Comfort and Joy
by Ladyembth
Summary: Edith and Anthony need help. After watching Season 2 I felt that these two are just hanging there. How do you get them moving. This is my attempt to help them along. The war has changed them both. One has found confidence, the other has lost his. I haven't written FanFiction for a long time so I hope Edith and Anthony fans will enjoy my story.
1. Chapter 1

Edith was suddenly uncomfortable. Her grandmother, the Dowager Countess had asked Anthony Strallan to tea with them because as Granny had explained, "Edith seemed upset that Sir Anthony wouldn't come to the New Year's Day shoot." She watched him drive up and his chauffeur open the car door. "That's strange," her grandmother remarked. "He never used to use a chauffeur." Before Edith could gather her thoughts, he came through the door into the sitting room. She hadn't seen him up close like this for over four years and immediately noticed that he had changed. He was thinner in body and face, but his eyes were still the clear blue that she remembered.

He must have seen her out the corner of his eye because as he turned to her his face registered shock. Then he smiled – but it was not the smile she remembered. Her presence made him uneasy, she could tell.

The last time she had talked to him had been at her family's garden party four years earlier. They had been spending a lot of time together and he had led her to believe that he was going to ask her to marry him that day. However, Mary talked to him first and by the time Edith saw him, he was leaving. No question! No smile! No nothing! It was only later when Mary told her what she had said to him that Edith knew why he had left, and that any chance of marrying him was gone. She knew why Mary wanted to hurt her, but Anthony had done nothing to warrant the hateful things that Mary had said to him. The only thing he had done wrong was to prefer her to Mary.

Edith took a deep breath and walked toward him, her hand outstretched.

"It's so good to see you and to know that many of our friends have come through unscathed."

He took her hand in his left one.

Not everyone I am sorry to say. I took a bullet in my right arm and now it is no good to either man or beast," he said with a smile on his face, but the smile was forced, not genuine like it used to be.

They exchanged small talk and local gossip. Granny talked about Sybil and Branson, how sick they all had been during the Spanish Flu outbreak and about the Abbey and how it had been a rehabilitation home. She went on and on about what Edith had done there during the war, what a wonderful job she had done helping the wounded men recover. Edith was embarrassed. Granny could keep any conversation going but Edith was more interested in what was not being said. When her grandmother brought up the war, Anthony brushed over it and changed the subject. Something was wrong and it pained her to see him this way. Something had happened to him, other than his arm getting hurt; she could sense it. Feeling that her presence caused him distress, she rose to her feet and said, "Granny, Sir Anthony, excuse me but I must be going. I have some errands to finish and packages to pick up before I head back home."

"What errands, what packages?" You didn't say anything about any errands when you arrived," Violet said in her most dowager voice.

"I must have forgotten to mention it," Edith said as she gathered up her purse.

"Sir Anthony – it was so nice to see you again," she remarked with a smile on her face as she put her left out to shake his hand.

She didn't hear what he replied – if he replied. All she wanted to do was get out of there. Her heart was beating as fast now as when he first came into the room. Being so close to him after all these years was discomforting. Seeing him like this made her sad. _Did he still remember that terrible day?_ _What a stupid_ _thing to think_ _– of course he did,_ she thought. _One could not forget being called old, a boor, or a fool. _

She wanted to run down the driveway, but walked slowly until she rounded the stone entrance to her grandmother's house; then leaned against the cold wall and let the tears spill from her eyes. _Dear God,_ she thought, _What has happened to him?_

_Anthony Strallan_ – she remembered the good times they had spent together, and now four years later after seeing him again, her heart ached because she remembered how much she had cared for him back then; she had fallen in love with him! Why had she felt that way about him? Why had she thought about him so many times during the war and wondered what he was doing, where he was, if he was safe? The answer was always obvious; he more than anyone else understood her. He knew who she really was and he knew what she could become with a little help from someone who loved her. But above all he had been her friend – her only really close friend. He was someone she could laugh with and talk to about almost anything. Their times together had been so good. He was a happy, kind man with a wonderful sense of humor. He was a shy and thoughtful and she had loved every minute they ever spent together._ But_ _now,_ she thought_, all that is gone. _

Shortly after the war had been announced Downton was in upheaval. Matthew had enlisted, Sybil had gone to York to study to be a nurse, her father had tried and failed to get back into the army, Thomas, the footman had enlisted in the Medical Corp and William, their youngest footman had been conscripted. Everything had changed – and not slowly.

It had been about a week after the garden party when Edith knew she had to see Sir Anthony and try to apologize or at least explain what had happened. She had practiced what she would say to him, and hoped he would be forgiving. It took all her nerve to have Branson drive her over to Strallan Park. But Sir Anthony wasn't there. His butler told her that he had been called to London two days after the war had been declared. Weeks later she had seen his butler Harris in the village, and he told her Sir Anthony only came back occasionally now to tend to estate business and then left as soon as it was done. She knew she should have followed him home the day of the garden party or at least gone over the next day, but because of her being such a coward, she had lost him. Any feeling he had for her must be gone.

By that time Downton had been turned into a rehabilitation home and she found that her days were busy. She helped the men by getting them books, helping them write letters, listening to what they had to say and she was aware that she was good at it. She was especially fond of Captain Robert Smiley. He had lost his left hand and she had helped him write a letter to his mother explaining what had happened. He had joked about the irony of losing his writing hand. He never complained. Everyday he practiced using his right hand. He had been a bookkeeper before the war and he wanted to get his job back when the war was over. He was determined to be able to write well enough with his right hand so t people could read his "scribbles" as he called them. At the end of each day she was satisfied and happy. She hoped that she had in some small way made a difference in their lives. The broken, burned, scarred bodies of the soldiers didn't bother her. She never turned away. They were human beings hurting and needing kindness. Many days she sat and talked at length with some of them, and her heart ached for the ones that had nothing waiting for them when they left Downton; no family, no friends, just loneliness. She understood loneliness only too well and was glad she took the time to listen; that she was the one they could talk to at such a terrible time in their lives.

She had been thinking all these things as she walked home. Suddenly she realized she was walking on the road instead of the path that led between the village and Downton. Lost in thought, she had taken the long way around. She heard a car behind her and moved closer to edge of the road. She was looking off to the side when it passed and then she heard it stop. Looking up she recognized the open Rolls Royce of Sir Anthony_. Oh God,_ she thought, her nervousness coming back.

"Lady Edith, what are you doing walking on the road?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"I guess I was lost in thought and didn't realize where I was. By the time I noticed, I was too far along to walk back to the village."

"Please get in the car and let me take you home. It is starting to get dark and the shadows make it hard to see."

He opened the back door with his left hand and put it out to help her.

"Where are your packages? When you left your grandmothers you said you had some errands to run and packages to pick up. Do we need to turn around and go get them?"

_My God,_ she thought. _I told this huge lie and he remembered everything I said._

"No, thank you!" She lied again. "My order wasn't complete."

There was nothing she could do except let him help her into the car. He moved over so she could sit where he had been and put the lap robe across her legs. He had never used a robe before, but he had never used a chauffeur before either.

_His action is natural,_ she thought_. He did the same thing for me so long ago when we drove to the concert in York_ she smiled as she thought of that night so long ago_._

"Does the robe bother you? It is getting chilly out." he asked.

"No, it's fine" she answered. "Thank you!"

He asked her some more questions about what she did during the war and suddenly for some unknown reason she blurted out.

"You know, I learned to drive. Branson taught me. I enjoyed the drives we used to take and wanted to drive myself. It took me a while. I had trouble shifting gears and working the clutch at the same time. But I finally learned how, much to Branson's relief I suspect. I even learned to drive a tractor. I helped one of papa's tenants pull out a tree stump (she didn't mention that she also had kissed said tenant).

_Good God Edith, _she thought, _why did you say that?_

He gave her a most incredicious look, then smiled and said, "Well good for you Edith. Learning to drive isn't easy and the fact that you decided to learn how to do it took nerve and resolve. Bravo!"

She put her head down slightly embarrassed but smiled and laughed as she looked at him.

Suddenly Downton loomed ahead of them. She wished that they could just keep driving, just keep talking, just keep sitting close to one another, but she knew that these few short minutes together were ending.

"Thank you, Sir Anthony. It was more than kind to offer me a ride."

As she got out of the car she turned and held out her left hand. He took it in his – holding it a second longer than he had done earlier in the day.

She watched his car go down the drive and wondered if she would see him again? She wanted to see him again, so much. Somehow she would figure out a way to make that happen.

The war had changed her – she knew that. She was not the same shy, unnoticed, caustic, envious, jealous person she had been before. She was stronger than she thought she could be. The things she had seen and done at Downton had tempered her, made her she hoped a better person and certainly one who was ready for a change. The Abbey had been her home forever, but now she wanted to leave. Mary, she knew wanted to play the grand lady with Matthew; let her. Sybil had left for a completely new life with Tom Branson in Ireland and Edith wished them happiness with all her heart. And she wanted a new life too. She wanted to find a place where she belonged, where she could do something that mattered. What it was or what it looked like she didn't know, but staying at Downton Abbey was not it.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning after having tea at her grandmothers, Edith walked into her father's library. As always he was sitting there lost in a world of his own. He wanted things to go back to the way they were before the war, but even the Earl of Grantham couldn't make that happen. She was surprised how her mother had changed. She was now helping cousin Isobel in her work with the refugees and much to her father and grandmother's dismay, liked it. She now had something new and exciting to talk to the family about at dinner.

"Papa", she said. "Remember a few days ago when I asked permission to drive around the estate and talk to the tenants about what they might need now that the war is over. Well, you didn't give me an answer and I was hoping that you had thought it over and it would now be okay."

Robert slowly put his paper down and turned to look at his middle daughter – a daughter he had overlooked much of her life. She had changed since the war. In her own way she was a pretty young woman, and she was intelligent. She always asked to read the newspaper when he had finished and had often taken to cutting out articles that interested her. Sometimes she sat with him and asked him questions about current events and things that were going on in the village or on the estate.

Edith was also a talented artist. They had never given her any formal training, always thinking that her painting was just a childhood pastime. She always asked for art books or supplies for birthdays or Christmas and he and Cora had many pictures that she had painted through the years. Landscapes, still life, even portraits were visible throughout the house. She was also a very good musician. She played both the piano and violin with accomplished skill. All three girls had been given music lessons when they were small, but Edith was the one who excelled. Whenever the girls got new sheet music it was always Edith who could sit down and play the music sight unseen so Mary and Sybil could sing and dance.

But it was her recent accomplishment that impressed him the most. She had taken it upon herself to learn how to drive; not just the cars but the farm equipment as well. Branson had told him that Edith was a determined pupil. No matter how frustrating working the pedals and shifting gears at the same time had been, she never gave up. Day after day she worked hard to master the art of driving. Robert was proud of her, but he never told her.

"You really want to do this Edith?" he asked. "You know we have people that are paid to do this sort of thing."

"I know papa, but don't you think that having someone from the family come and show an interest in their farms would do a lot for goodwill. So many tenants have lost family members and workers. Maybe when we find out who needs assistance we ca help them get back on their feet. You know papa if farmers don't have help they can't plant or harvest their crops let alone tend to their livestock. That means they don't have anything to sell therefore they don't have any income. It is their income from their farms that pays the rent to us.

Robert was dumbfounded. He never thought any of his daughters knew anything about finance. Obviously he was wrong. Edith had thought this out very carefully.

"Very well, but be careful", he smiled. "Be sure you are back every day for tea. With Sybil gone, I don't want to lose you too." And be careful driving the car! I don't want you ending up hurt in some ditch."

Edith leaned down and gave him a hug.

"Thank you papa." You have no idea what this means to me."

She smiled to herself as she headed up the staircase_. Yes,_ she thought. _This venture is going to be the_ _first step in my new life._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: _I should have probably mentioned in chapter one that I do not own these characters. They belong to Julian Fellowes and ITV. However, I have been intrigued by Edith since Episode 1, Season 1. Heartache and war have changed her but she is smart enough to know that a new day has come and to make her life complete, she needs to seize each day._

Sitting in front of her dressing table five days later Edith stared at her reflection in the mirror. She knew she still cared for Anthony Strallan and today she was going to find out if there might be a chance for them to renew their friendship and maybe eventually more. She was taking a huge gamble on the feelings of a man she hadn't seen in four years, but ever since that day at her grandmothers, she couldn't get him out of her mind. Something wasn't right with him and she hoped she could find out what it was. He used to look at her with a face that was full of life – but the face she saw at Grannys was one that was trying too hard. That is what confused her. But a new decade was here. She wanted the 1920's to be better and certainly different than the last ten years, and if Anthony Strallan could be part of her life, that would make it so much better.

Edith had become more independent since the war. She had gone into the village and had the local barber cut her hair to shoulder length. She didn't have enough nerve to actually cut her hair into the latest fashion – the bob - that was all the rage in Paris. Her mother and grandmother were shocked that she would do such a thing, but now that her hair was shorter she was able to do it herself. She either wore it high and tied up, something like a horse's tail, or low at the nape of her neck. These were good looks for her since her hair was so curly. Today she put it up and tied it with strip on wool that matched her jacket. She also started to use some color on her face and she no longer wore a corset during the day. She wore one of the new brassieres that were popular with French women, and she loved the freedom that it gave her body.

"_No longer trussed up like a chicken"_ she thought the first time she put it on.

However the biggest change was that she had started wearing trousers. Her legs got cold wearing a skirt or dress when she was driving, and putting a blanket or rug over her legs didn't work when she had to work the pedals. Trousers had seemed like the perfect solution. She had two pair made and a long riding style jacket to go with them. Luckily her mother, Mary, or her father never noticed her wearing them. She left early enough each day to avoid seeing them, and always used the back stairs when she came home.

She finished dressing and stood before the full length mirror. She looked good – she knew it. Thomas had shined her Jodpher boots, her slacks hugged her hips and fell straight to her feet and her jacket fit snuggly against her body. She smiled, grabbed her gloves and hat and headed toward the garage.

She didn't eat breakfast with her father or Mary anymore. Her mother always had breakfast in her room and the dining room was such a dull place. Her father read the paper and usually went through the mail, and Mary, well she never talked to her anyway unless it was to make some cutting remark or roll her eyes. So why eat there at all was her reasoning.

Since she was out and about each day, she had asked Mrs. Padmore if she would mind fixing her a basket with things she could snack on; biscuits, carrots, sandwiches, cookies, even leftovers from the night before. At first the cook had been hesitant, but now the basket was waiting each morning and Edith was always elated when she saw what was there. Today as always she thanked Mrs. Padmore and Daisy, grabbed the basket and smiled as she walked past Carson with his disapproving face. She could tell that he thought it was terrible that she was out in trousers, but he knew better than to say anything. Besides Mary was his favorite, so why should he care a wit what she did.

She always took her pencils, paints and sketch books with her. Today she had a special scene she wanted to sketch. She always left them on a table just inside the lower level door so she was able to grab them as she headed toward the garage.

She was so glad she had persevered and learned to drive. She loved the freedom it gave her. Before she had asked to catalog the farms, she would drive to Ripon and even once drove to York. She hated staying at home. Sitting around doing nothing after being so busy during the war practically drove her crazy. She told herself that when she finished cataloging the farms on the estate, she was going to find another task. Maybe she could find a job where she could use her drawing skills.

She noticed that she was coming upon her first destination of the day. She eased the car to the side of the road and parked. Grabbing her sketch pad, some pencils, and a blanket and walked down a lane that ended at the top of small hill. From there she could see exactly what it was she wanted to paint. Stretching out before her was the estate of Sir Anthony and sitting off to one side was his house. The view was beautiful. She was close enough that she could see the house, but anyone in the house probably could not see her because of the trees. She put the blanket on the ground, sat down and started to sketch. She did about six sketches before she realized she was stiff and hungry from sitting on the ground for so long.

Walking back to the car she opened her basket and took out a piece of chicken from the night before. As she sat there she thought about where she was going next. She was going to drive down the road, around the hill, and pull into the driveway of Strallan Park. She would casually mention that she had been out driving and wondered if he would like to go on a drive with her. This seemed like a perfectly natural thing to ask, considering all the times they had gone driving before the war.

Suddenly she felt hesitant. Was this the proper thing to do? _Well why not Edith,_ she thought_. It isn't as if_ _you don't know the man._ _Don't back down. You were cowardly once before and look what happened._

Putting her lunch back in the basket, she took out her purse and looked in her compact mirror. Her hair still looked good and she took out her lip rouge and put some on. The new color she had chosen certainly brightened up her face.

"Well, Sir Anthony Strallan , here I come." she said out loud as she turned on the engine, put the car in gear and headed down the road.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: The Anthony Strallan I am seeing is about 43 years old. I know in the series he looks older but if he is too old their pairing wouldn't be right. I also do not see Sir Anthony as a defeated man. Injured yes, but before the war this man was vibrant and looking toward the future. The war has just sidelined him a bit. The person I am writing about isn't going to be defined by his injury nor let it determine his future. He just has to move at his own pace to get where he wants to be. And Edith is moving with him as well. Life is a dance and these two are headed toward the dance floor. They just have to wait for the music to begin._

It was about 1:00 in the afternoon when she pulled into Sir Anthony Strallan's driveway. His house was beautiful . Four stories, red brick with white accent stone. He loved this place she knew because he had told her about it so many times. It had been in his family for generations and while he could afford to build another home on the estate, he chose to stay here, at Strallan Park. She parked the car and headed for the front door. She had just finished smoothing her jacket when Mr. Harris the butler opened the door.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Harris" she said smiling. "Is Sir Anthony home?"

Harris escorted her down the hall to the drawing room which was at the back of the house_. This is a_ _beautiful house_, she thought. _No, not a house – a home. Downton is a house; large, cold and unfeeling._

She noticed how cozy the house was – large yes, but something about it was peaceful. It was bright; light streamed into the hall from the windows in the rooms that opened off it and from the large window on the staircase landing. The carpets shown like jewels on the polished wooden floors. She smiled to herself thinking what a happy place this was and how joyful it must be to live here.

"Please wait here, Milady. I will tell Sir Anthony you are here."

Suddenly her hands were clamy and her heart started to race. Thinking about this venture at home and while she was sketching earlier was one thing – doing it was another.

_Please God,_ she thought_. Let me get this right and not make a fool of myself._

Sir Anthony Strallan sat at his desk going over ledgers. Looking at the clock he realized he had been at it three hours and still had not made much headway. His estate had not suffered much during his absence, but it needed attention now if it was going to be as profitable as it had been before the war. Part of his problem, and he was sure that of other land owners, was helping many of his tenants find replacement workers. So many had died or were so severely injured that they could never do manual labor again.

However, he was having trouble consentrating. Somehow his mind drifted back to Lady Edith Crawley. Seeing her days ago at her grandmothers had unnerved him more than he realized. He always enjoyed Lady Grantham's company – she was the most out spoken woman he knew. But seeing Edith again stirred feelings in him that had laid dormant for four years. He had not forgotten the last time he had seen her. He had replayed that day at the garden party many times over and each time came up with a different answer. Did Edith really feel that way about him or was Mary deliberately trying to cause a rift? And if so why? Mary had made it clear that she wasn't interested in him when she dismissed him so callously the day he came by to take her for a ride in his new car. Edith had asked him if he would take her for a ride instead, and being the gentleman that he was, he took her to be kind. But to his surprise that ride turned into a day he didn't want to end. He had even prolonged the ride so that he could take her to tea at the Grantham Inn. All of the times they spent together after that were wonderful for him, and he felt that Edith enjoyed his company as well. She was easy to talk to and asked him many questions about the estate, machinery, the tenants, what he liked to do for fun, and even asked him questions about his late wife, Maud. She made him feel that it was okay to miss her and talk about her. They had never run out of things to talk about he remembered, and he enjoyed her quirky sense of humor, she was funny but she was also smart. She was interested in current events and asked him many questions about was happening in Europe. He smiled as he thought of all these things.

Could he have been so wrong about her? It had been a long time since he had courted a girl and he had forgotten the games they could play. But Edith wasn't a game player. She was honest and forthright. Had he been in over his head thinking that this lovely young girl could perhaps care for him? _Seventeen years age difference was a lot – but not if you truly loved each other_, he thought.

Well, it didn't matter now anyway, even if he had thought about maybe asking her to take up with him again, he knew he couldn't because of his arm and that other thing that weighed on his mind constantly. He could still move his arm and Dr. Clarkson as well as Dr. Nelson in Ripon had given him exercises to do to help him regain strength in it. His main goal was to get his fingers working again. He never appreciated those five little digits until they wouldn't move, and without their use he felt helpless. But what if his arm didn't get better – could he ever expect a woman to want to be with him if he could only use one arm? Also, there was the fact that he had lost confidence in himself and his ability to make right decisions. The war had inflicted physical injury yes, but he had let it creep into his soul as well. He ran his good hand through his hair trying to make some sense about how he felt. _Damn, why does everything have to be so hard,_ he thought.

He got up and walked into his drawing room. He had just started to look at the latest farm catalog when Harris came through the door and said, "Lady Edith Crawley, sir." As he rose to greet her, his face registered shock. The lovely young girl he had seen a few days earlier had disappeared. In her place was someone completely new, different. The person coming into the room was a woman he had never seen before. She walked into the room with authority and confidence and _My God_, she was wearing trousers. He couldn't take his eyes off of the way her clothes fit close to her body, or her bright face, her hair and especially her smile; that smile had always pierced his soul. Something had happened to her in seven days. The war had injured him, but hadn't killed him. He appreciated a pretty woman as much as the next man, and this was the prettiest woman he had seen in a long time. Anxiety and fear overtook him and he felt as if the world was going to fall out from under him – again.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:_ In order to get this story right I had to revisit the scene at Anthony's house during the Christmas Special. While it is somewhat true to what happened, I have taken it forward and changed some things. Chapters 1 – 4 have set this up. Now we start the engine and step on the gas._

"Now I know you are probably going to say "No"! but, I was passing by and thought you might want to go for a drive with me like we used to" Edith said as casually as she could.

"I don't think I should, I really can't spare the time." He answered with confusion in his voice.

_Oh, Oh_! thought Edith, _this has not started out well,_ as an awkward silence hung in the air between them.

He finally asked her if she would like something to drink, rang for the butler, and motioned for her to sit down. He was nervous, she could tell. When Harris appeared he told him that Edith would be staying for tea. Finally he turned to her and said, "I'm glad to have you alone for a moment because I wanted to make myself clear about something. I don't think I made myself clear the other day and it has been bothering me."

She was mesmerized by his blue eyes and his deep voice. All she could say was, "I don't understand."

Then it came – his declaration, his excuse, his dismissal – the thing she had been dreading since she entered the room.

"I worry that you think we might take up together again like we did before, because of course we can't," he said trying to be firm.

He mentioned that it was because he was too old for her and she volleyed back with a "I disagree" and then remarked that what Mary had said at the garden party had been done out of spite and that none of it was true. He continued to tell her that what Mary had said wasn't the reason at all.

Then the most outrageous thing she had ever heard came out of his mouth.

"Besides, I am a cripple – I don't need a wife, I need a nurse. I couldn't do that to someone as young and lovely as you!" As soon as he said it he realized he had made a mistake. He didn't mean any of it, but it was out now, just hanging there between them.

When she told him that he didn't believe one word of his speech and she wasn't going to give up on someone who called her lovely – his reply was, "You must!"

She thought, _Oh Anthony! You don't know what a cripple is. I saw enough cripples during the war to last a lifetime; men with their arms and legs blown off their bodies. You at least have both your arms and legs not to mention the hands and feet connected to them._

She studied him over her tea cup. She suddenly realized that he had given up on himself and any chance of happiness. The war had taken its toll on him. It had knocked him down in the area he cared about the most, his masculinity. He had been a vibrant, physical man before the war and now he was struggling to get back up. He didn't have any energy left for anyone else. Most of her questions of a few days ago were being answered. The war had derailed him. Arguing with him wasn't the answer. But how do you convince someone like Sir Anthony Strallan who is so smart about almost everything that he could have a full life like he had before with a little help.

The answer she knew was you don't. When someone has worked that hard to convince themselves that they are useless, you are wasting your time trying to talk them out of it. She knew that from the war. Soldiers that she knew could be all right with a little help, had convinced themselves that they wouldn't be able to have a life even with some modifications; so they gave up and felt sorry for themselves. It crushed her to see this happening to the man she cared for so deeply. Sitting there sipping her tea her mind was racing – then suddenly it came to her – the way she could spend time with him and maybe (and a small maybe at that) find the Anthony Strallan she had known and loved before the war. She was going to have to take a totally different tact. It was risky, but she put her tea cup down, straightened her back, and looked directly into his beautiful blue eyes.

_Please let this work,_ she silently prayed.

"Sir Anthony, you have misunderstood why I came by today. I was so glad to see you the other day and happy that you came home safe. I realize that if you ever had any intention of seeing me again you would have written to me or perhaps come by the Abbey. What was between us before is obviously gone, but we were once such good friends – at least I thought we were, and I hope we still are. That is why I am here. I would like you to help me as a friend, nothing else, on a project that I am starting. Will you listen to my proposal?"

She realized at once that what she had just said about realizing he wasn't interested in her had somewhat embarrassed him. However, she wasn't going to apologize for her remarks. In a way they were true. If he wanted to banter back and forth about what could or couldn't be, then she was ready to give him tick for tat.

"Lady Edith, of course we are still friends and I hope will be for a long time." Please continue", he said although somewhat baffeled. _What kind of help could __**I**__ possibly give her?_ he thought.

She nodded and proceeded to tell him about how she was cataloging Grantham. She told him that she thought it would be an easy task, but thinking about it she realized that she was confused about exactly what to do. She explained that it was important to do a thorough job, and prove to her father that she was capable of doing something that would benefit the family. She knew she was good at talking with people, but didn't know what questions to ask the tenants about their farms and what they needed. That is why she hoped he would drive around with her to the farms and help her get the correct information. A friend helping a friend.

It all sounded good as she said it, and she watched his face carefully.

"But why me?" he asked with confusion in his voice.

"Because you are the smartest man I know. Look at how you handle your own estate. You know everything that is going on. Remember you told me once that you were a steward of your land and that it was your responsibility to make sure that it was cared for and used well, so it would be profitable, for you and your tenants You put machinery to work for you before anyone else, and I can tell by all the farm catalogs that you are probably looking for the latest in farming techniques. I am sure your tenants are happy that you looking out for them and grateful to be working for a man who takes such pride in his land. You are a very good man, you know." She added with a smile.

She continued, hardly drawing breath. "Also, by doing this I will be able to prove to myself that I am good at something. When I am done I am planning on leaving Downton and starting a new life for myself. I haven't decided exactly what yet, but if Sybil can become a nurse and Gwen our former maid a secretary, then I know there is something out there waiting for me_." Like being with you_, she thought.

Anthony felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. She wanted to leave her home, family, and friends and start over somewhere else? He didn't like that idea at all. He ran his hand through his hair, looked at her and said. "Well, I am busy trying to get things back in order here, but maybe I could give you one or two mornings a week" He was still somewhat hesitant, like he had been when she first came in.

"How many farms have you done so far?" he asked with something like amusement in his voice.

"None! I wanted to ask for your help first so that I wouldn't have to go back and start over – get it right the first time." She said.

He motioned for her to follow him back into the library which was also his office. This room looked like him; organized and smelling of leather chairs and books. He looked at the calendar on his desk and told her that he could give her Mondays and Thursdays. He mentioned that he would like to finish early in the afternoon each time so he could work on his business as well.

_Mondays and Thursdays – not one Monday or one Thursday, he had left the days open ended. _

"This is wonderful! Now I can plan out the route. I will be here next Monday at 10:00 and I will bring a basket lunch. Thank you so much Sir Anthony. This means everything to me," she said happily as she walked forward and gave his left arm a squeeze.

"May I ask you one thing if you don't mind," he said as he gestured towards her clothes. " Why the trousers?"

"Sir Anthony, when you were driving did your legs ever get cold? Well probably not", she mused. "But mine did, so I thought wearing trousers would keep them warm – and they do. I hope you don't mind, I wear them almost all the time.

" I will see you on Monday, don't forget". She smiled at him, turned and left.

_Oh I won't forget_, he thought as he went to the window and watched her drive away. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened. He had told her he couldn't take up with her again and now here he was agreeing to help her catalog her father's estate. He would probably be spending more time with her now then if he was courting her again. _So why did you agree to do it? You could have said No, and that would have been the end of it, _he thought as he watched her car go down the drive. _You agreed you dolt because you really do want to spend time with her, _he continued thinking.

Also, she had approached him as a friend, and he knew that Edith didn't have many friends. It must have been hard for her to come here and ask him to help her, especially after he had embarrassed her by assuming she was here to seek out his feelings for her. Helping her with this task wouldn't put him out at all. This was something he did all the time, and this little adventure would perhaps allow him to find out more about this hair brained notion of hers to leave.

He had to make sure that their outings were kept strictly business. He knew that he was taking up with her again, but he didn't want her to think they were until he got his life back on track. He had spent too much time since he returned home sitting alone and pondering his wretched life. Well, that was going to end. He was forty three years old – not seventy. He came from a long line of men who had faced adversity, but who had never _cried uncle_; and he was not going to be the first. He would get this arm working again. He was not going to give up; on himself or her.

He sat down at his desk and re-opened his ledger_. Trousers,_ he laughed to himself as he shook his head in disbelief_. Well I am a modern man, why shouldn't she be modern as well?_


	6. Chapter 6

Edith dressed carefully the following Monday morning. She got up early to make sure her hair and clothes were exactly right. She knew that she had shocked Anthony when she appeared at his house the week before by the way she was dressed. She wanted to look just as good today. She ate breakfast with her father and Mary, something she hadn't done in quite a while. She told no one that Sir Anthony was going to help her with her work. As she looked at Mary sitting across from her, and felt a twinge of sadness that she and Mary had never been close like she knew sisters could be. How nice it would be to be able to talk to someone about how she felt, her hopes, and her plans, and even about this journey she was undertaking to spend more time with Anthony. Well, she did not have a sister who was a friend and to dwell on that was going to be a waste of time. Today was the beginning of something new, in more ways than one. She hoped that it would play out the way she wanted.

Her father had asked her a few questions about how things were going. She told him that she was starting in earnest today; she had a few things she had to get in order before she could start. If he disapproved of her trousers, he said nothing. Edith figured that he thought since she would be at different farms, trousers and boots would be the logical thing to wear. Mary, disinterested as usual just gave Edith one of her superior glances, rolled her eyes and continued eating her breakfast.

_That's okay Mary_, Edith thought. _Make fun of me. What I am doing hopefully will define my future; and in_ _a way yours as well. _

Anthony Strallan also got up earlier than he usually did. He always wore casual clothes when he visited his own farms, so decided to do so today. He was getting better at dressing. His arm and fingers were getting better because of the exercises he was doing. He had Johnson, his blacksmith and carpenter make him some wooden blocks that were different weights. Johnson put handles on them so Anthony could lift them, thus strengthening his arm. He also filled a large pail with uncooked rice. He would put his hand in it and squeeze till his arm ached. The rice was used as resistance against his fingers. His doctor in Ripon, Dr. Nelson, had told him about it. It seemed that they were using techniques such as these in America. Many days his arm and fingers ached because of overworking them, so he wrote out a schedule of exercises. However he didn't do them today. He had more important things to do.

He was waiting in his library when she arrived. She had the names of the tenants and where they lived but she had not put them in any order. She needed to understand the importance of being precise. He took her out to the estate office and showed her the large map on the wall that had all of his farms on it. She stared in awe at it. It was a beautiful map. All the roads, lanes and paths were marked. The farms were numbered and named, and the boundaries clearly drawn. Fields were marked and there was a legend at the bottom clearly stating what crops each farm was growing. Small little flags with the crop names on them were pinned to each field.

"Oh Anthony, this is beautiful", she said as she looked at it up close. "I have never seen anything like this. I don't think we even have anything like this at Downton."

"In order for estates like mine and your fathers to be successful, one has to pay attention to the details. If you don't keep track of what farmers are planting, your land can be damaged permanently."

"Maybe I have started something that is too complicated for me." She sighed.

"Nonsense, I am not going to teach you how to plot farms, I am going to help you to get to know your tenants, find out what they need, and give you an opportunity to help them." He said seriously.

"But first you have to get these farms in order. We don't want to be burning gas driving all over the place. Come sit down, and I will show you an easy way to do this.

He showed her how to map out the estate. She had brought some maps from home and laying them out helped her see the pattern.

They did four together and by the time they finished it was 12:00.

"Oh dear, she said apologizing. I didn't know I would be wasting so much of your time doing this mapping. But when I come back on Thursday, I will have all the farms mapped. Not as good as yours, but at least we will know where we are going." "We will be going on Thursday, won't we?"

"Of course, he said smiling. "In fact we are going to go start now. You said you had a picnic lunch, so come on. We will visit your first farm and then sit and eat after that."

Before they left he gave her a black notebook. He told her to put the name of each farm on its own page. Write down everything they told her and then transcribe it later. The first farm they went to belonged to James and Margaret Allen. Mr. Allen was the third generation to farm this land and she could tell that he was proud that the daughter of the Earl had come to talk to him. She introduced him to Anthony and then stood back as Anthony started to talk. She watched him carefully, listening to the questions he asked about the crops Mr. Allen was planting, what kind of fertilizer was he using, was he rotating his crops. He asked if they had any help before the war and did they need any now. He noticed a huge vegetable garden next to the house and asked Mrs. Allen what she planted. He questioned her about her seeds; did she buy new each year or did she dry the seeds from the vegetables she grew. He asked her if they ever took their produce to Ripon for the weekly farmers market.? He noticed the livestock and asked questions about them. How many cows did they have? How many sheep? By the time Anthony and Mr. Allen had finished talking, she had filled up four pages. It was the most exciting thing she had ever done. This was important work. She asked Mr. Allen when was the last time anyone from the Abbey came to see him, and his answer surprised her.

"Not since before the war, Milady".

Four years, she couldn't believe it. Her father should be out looking after his estate, but instead he left it to others. Did he even know his tenants? Somehow she doubted it.

Mrs. Allen asked them if they would stay to tea and Anthony answered quickly, "Yes, thank you. We would be happy to join you."

Edith and Anthony were ushered inside and given the best chairs, Edith could tell. Mrs. Allen brought out her best china, and a plate of freshly baked cookies. As Edith looked around the small farmhouse, she saw how clean and organized it was. The Allens had been lucky. They had a son and a daughter. Their son was fourteen, too young to have been conscripted into the war. He went to school with his sister in the village.

She suddenly felt awkward. She drank her tea, ate a cookie and then rose to leave. She turned at the door and shook hands with both of them. She told them she hoped to see them again.

Anthony watched her as she started the car and slowly drove out of the farmyard.

"You know, it was the right thing to do to stay and have tea," he said seriously. "Refusing would have been impolite." You are there as the representative of your father, Lord Grantham. It was an honor for them to have you in their home."

"I am embarrassed, Anthony. I thought this would be easy. This farm is pretty good, isn't it? But what about some of the others. They can't all be this good. I watched how Mrs. Allen gave us tea on her best dishes. Those are the kind of dishes our servants eat on. I have lived a priviledged, useless, sheltered life. I have never had to worry about anything. New dresses, gloves, hats, shoes, whenever I wanted. I would imagine that Mrs. Allen probably has one good dress to her name. And she looks so tired. She keeps her house, cooks for her family, works in her garden and probably helps milk the cows." She looked at Anthony and he noticed that her eyes were floating in tears.

"Edith, stop the car" he said gently. "You must remember that the tenants have chosen this way of life. It isn't something everyone can do. Mr. Allen learned to farm from his father and grandfather. He is very good at it. I wouldn't mind having him as one of my tenants. And while you think Mrs. Allen's life is hard, you have to understand that this is the life she knows. The only way she can do all the things she needs to do each day is by being highly organized." He handed her his handkerchief to wipe her eyes.

"Listen, you are doing a good thing. You are getting to know the people who make Downton tick. I am going to help you get started so that you will feel comfortable visiting the farms. When you are done, your father will know more than he has probably ever known before, and he will have you to thank. Edith, I have been doing this kind of thing for a long time. Hopefully your father will appreciate your effort. Also, you will be helping your cousin Matthew. As a solicitor I doubt he has much knowledge of farming and good farming practices."

"You will still help me, seeing how difficult this might be?" she asked with a tremor in her voice.

"Of course" he answered soothingly.

"But why? Why would you take time away from your own business to help me with mine?" "You can see for yourself that this might be a big job and take more time than we thought."

_Yes, this will take time, and we will be spending it together,_ he thought.

"Because you asked me to, and because we are friends", he smiled. "Now, let's eat lunch!"


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Thank you for the nice reviews to my little story. This has been a stretch for me trying to fit it in between teaching and home front obligations. Stay with me a little longer. We are almost there. This is a very long chapter mainly because I couldn't find a good place stop. I haven't seen any of the previews for Season 3 but I know they are out there. That is the reason I am going to shift into high gear and get this finished so that my version of Edith and Anthony is done before Season 3 ends. Thank you again for reading_.

The next three weeks seemed to fly by. Edith bought herself a typewriter similar to the one that Gwen had and transcribed all of her notes. She also drew pictures so her father could get an idea of what each farm was doing. He had started asking her questions, so she gave him the notes at the end of each week. Sometimes she and Anthony only visited one farm and other days they visited maybe two or three. It depended on the size. She noticed that at many of the farms the questions he asked were more in depth than at others. When she asked him why he told her that many of the farms were just barely existing. The farms who had lost owners or workers were hit the hardest.

Anthony kept their outings on a strictly business basis. From what he had seen, Downton was on the verge of a financial collapse. For Edith's sake, he wanted to get this job done. The financial climate in England was getting worse. Luckily for him he had always been a prudent, conservative investor. His estate was doing well and his diversified investments were providing a good income. Anthony Strallan was a very rich man.

The favorite part of his outings with Edith was the picnic lunches. It did not go unnoticed by him that she always packed food that could be eaten with ones fingers. Two times he had told her he would furnish the lunch, and it delighted him to see her smile as she looked inside and saw what his cook had prepared for them. One time he had brought a bottle of wine and taught her how to open it. He could tell she liked learning something new, something she would never have had a chance to do at home. However, in her zeal to get the cork out, she pushed it back into the bottle. They just laughed and he said, "Well the cork will give the wine somewhat of a piquant taste."

One day he surprised her by taking her to lunch at the Grantham Inn. Their time together was easy and comfortable. They talked about the economy, the farms, politics. She never wanted the outings to end. Each time when she drove him home she hoped that he would ask her to stay for tea, a game of cards, anything to extend their time together. But that never happened.

However one Monday when she drove him home he asked her if she would like to drive to Ripon with him the following day. He told her that he wanted to look at some new farm equipment and also wanted to go to the local hiring hall to look over the labor situation. She was estatic. They were going to do something more personal. Even if it meant looking at machinery and talking to peopl they would have some time together. He told her that he had an appointment later that day and would she mind doing some shopping while he was busy. She nodded her head yes; she would have said yes to anything that would give her more time with him.

Suddenly he turned to her and said in a somewhat serious voice, but she could hear the laughter behind it, "You know we will not be visiting any farms, we will be in a city and we shall be having lunch there."

She looked at him and smiled, "So I guess that means you would expect me to wear something other than my trousers?"

"On this outing, I think only one of us needs to wear trousers," he laughed.

"What time do you want me to be here?"

"Be here at 9:30. I want to get an early start. It will be a busy day. Will that be O.K. with you?"

"Yes sir, I will be here at 9:30 sharp," she said, and with that clicked her heels and saluted as she left.

She heard him laughing as she got in her car. Tomorrow was going to be a very good day; she knew it.

When she arrived the next morning she knew by the way he looked at her that he was pleased. She had a skirt, blouse and jacket on and a jaunty new hat that set off her face. She had debated about wearing boots, but changed her mind and wore a pair of dark brown shoes with the new higher heel.

"Well, let's go," she said as she headed towards the door.

"Not that way," he said, as he eased her towards the back of the house. "I'm driving today!"

"You're driving?" she asked skeptically as he ushered her out the door of his library "How? You said you couldn't drive anymore because of your arm."

He hooked his left arm through hers, leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Well, I have been strengthening my arm, and as you know I have a lot of very talented people working for me. I gave Johnson, my blacksmith some ideas and he devised a way for me to drive. Not scared are you?"

"Certainly not! I don't think you would try to do something if you thought you couldn't do it," but her voice wasn't quite sure. However, she had to admit that she hadn't seen him this animated in a long time.

As she got into his car she noticed that attached to the steering wheel was a brace-like object. As he climbed in he began to explain. "Johnson and I figured out how I could brace my right arm so that I can shift gears. I will be doing most of the driving with my left hand, but by using this brace I can still control the car with my right hand. What do you think?"

"You really can drive like this," she asked somewhat hesitantly. It seems so awkward!"

"Well it was at first, but I have been practicing and am confident that I can get us to Ripon and back without any mishaps. Besides, you know how much I like to drive and I thought it was only fitting that we take turns," he said as he looked into her eyes. "Also, if my arm gets tired, you can drive home."

_Take turns, did this mean we will be driving places again,_ she thought hopefully.

He hadn't exaggerated at all. He could control the car very well with his right arm and hand as he shifted gears with his left. Their drive to Ripon was nice. He was hesitant to try to park the car where there was traffic, so he asked her if she would mind walking a bit so he could park further away.

_I don't care how far away you park, as long it prolongs going home_, she thought as she nodded.

The day was wonderful. The sun was out but it was cold. She had brought her notebook along and took notes at the hiring hall. She didn't realize how many men were out of work. While many were hoping to get jobs on farms, many were looking for work other than manual labor. Some were wounded so severely that they probably would never get any kind of work.

Anthony amazed her. He was so comfortable with people. His friendly demeanor made people talk to him openly, answering questions she would never have had the nerve to ask. Maybe they were comfortable with him because of his own wounded arm. She walked around and also talked to some of the men and wrote their names down in her notebook for later reference.

She was absolutely fascinated when they went to look at the farm machinery. _Why is pa'pa so old fashioned_, she thought. _We need things like this at Downton_. When they were done with the farm machinery, he told her he had to leave and go to his appointment. He explained to her that it would take about an hour and that he would meet her at The Songbird, a nice inn on the main street of town, where they would have lunch.

She watched him as he walked away. He seemed to be standing straighter and the suit he had on fit him better than the ones he had been wearing the last few weeks. _I love him so_, she thought. _Can't he see how I feel. _ She honestly didn't know how much longer she could continue on a friendship basis. Somehow she felt that his declaration of a few weeks earlier had been spoken in haste. The way they were together was like it had been four years earlier. He was more relaxed, laughed more, and his wonderful blue eyes were beginning to show some life again. She smiled as she watched him turn the corner

She looked in the shops and stopped in front of one that had ready-made dress in the window. She went inside and the shop girl told her that they were carrying many ready-made clothes since the war had ended. Frivolity overtook her and she bought the dress and shoes that matched. The dark blue looked good on her with her strawberry blonde hair. She didn't know where she would wear the outfit, but she didn't care. She knew if she left Downton and struck out on her own she wouldn't be able to afford the kind of clothes she had now. So buying her first read made dress was a new beginning.

She was about ten minutes late meeting up with Anthony. He laughed and teased her about how surprised he was that she was only ten minutes late considering she had been shopping. Their lunch was wonderful. When the waiter brought them dessert, Anthony leaned in and said, "Now tell me about this idea of yours to leave Downton and strike out on your own."

She was surprised that he remembered what she had said. It was only a small sentence in a long speech she gave him a month ago.

She looked at him and said,"Anthony, there is nothing for me at home anymore. I realized when the war ended that I had to do something with my life. Do you know what it is like sitting around all day with Granny, ma'ma, and Mary. The routine is always the same; dress fittings, charity meetings, letters to write. I can't stand it anymore. I will not stay there and live this useless life anymore. Ma'ma and pa'pa actually think that I will be the one to take care of them in their old age. They think that is all I am good for; to be the old maid of Downton Abbey. She was shaking when she stopped talking.

Anthony was stunned at the fierceness in her voice. Reaching across the table with his left hand, he took her hand in his. "Edith, what do you think you would like to do?" he said gently.

I would like to be an illustrator. I have been writing and drawing all my life. I am not in the same league as Beatrix Potter, but I know I have talent. With all the magazines and newspapers out there, I know that they need illustrators. All of the fashion ads are hand drawn. But I suppose if that didn't work out I could apply for a job as a secretary. I have been typing up all my notes and I am fast and accurate. Maybe I could be a nurse, like Sybil."

She stopped short suddenly remembering what he had said about not needing a wife but a nurse.

She continued, "I know there is something out there for me, there has to be. I will wait until Mary and Matthew are married and then I will be gone."

Anthony paid the lunch bill and they started to walk back to the car. He took her arm and put it through his weak one. They walked in silence but his mind was racing.

The drive back to his estate seemed to go quickly. As she was putting her packages into her car he cleared his throat and said, "Edith, do you remember Lord and Lady Gervis? We had dinner at their house after the concert in York. Well the thing is they have invited me and a few friends to a dinner party on Saturday. I told them about what we were doing and your experiences during the war and they would like you to come . Will you accompany me?"

She was stunned. The words he had said to her a few weeks earlier echoed in her ear. _I don't want you_ _to think that we can take up together again like we used to because of course we can't_. But here he was asking her to go with him to the Gervis'. She looked at him and coughed before she said, "Yes, I would like to – that would be nice. I liked lord and Lady Jarvis much."

_And they liked you very much too_, he thought.

"Good," he said. "Lady Gervis said that it isn't a formal affair. No formal dinner clothes. I think she mentioned something about cocktail dresses or something like that. Anyway I have a new black suit that I will wear. Their parties are different and fun. Claudia Gervis has a knack for bringing different types of people together. I thing you might enjoy it. Also, there's always games and music. So don't be surprised if you get caught up in all her goings on.

Oh, and one more thing, I can't help you on Thursday, I have some catching up to do here on the estate, hope you don't mind. I will pick you up at the Abbey on Saturday at 5:00. Is that alright with you?"

She suddenly felt clumsy as she nodded her head and said, "Yes" and climbed into the car. "I will see you on Saturday ".

With that she started the car and drove down the drive with a huge smile all over her face. Today had been a very good day.


	8. Chapter 8

It was hard for Edith to keep her mind on her driving as she mulled over everything that had happened that day. Anthony has been strengthening his arm, rigged a contraption on the steering wheel of his car so he could drive, bought himself some new clothes and had asked her on two outings that didn't have anything to do with the inventory of the farms. His manner was becoming more relaxed and his sense of humor had returned. She had so many questions spinning around in her head, but she knew that trying to answer them would only drive her crazy. _Be grateful Edith for these little things_, she thought as she parked the car and went into the house.

There was one thing she knew she had to do before Saturday – tell her mother that she had been spending time with Anthony Strallan. She knew that it would not be a pleasant task, especially since her grandmother had rambled on and on about how he was now a cripple and therefore not suitable for her granddaughter. But if he was going to show up here on Saturday, her family had to be prepared.

When her mother returned from cousin Isobels, Edith stopped her in the entry hall. "Ma'ma," she said. "I have to talk to you about something very important – and alone."

Cora looked at her daughter, smiled and said, "Oh my, it must be very important if you want to talk to me alone. Is anything wrong?"

"No ma'ma, I just have to talk with you about something personal. Will you come to my room after you freshen up?"

Cora suddenly felt a chill. Edith always kept to herself, even as a little girl. She never had talked to her mother about personal things. She had always shut herself away with her writing and drawing. Cora, like Robert knew that their middle daughter while plain, was the most talented of their three girls. She suddenly felt a twinge of guilt that they had not given her more attention. They had always doted on Mary, always concerned about Mary making a good marriage. Mary was so head strong, getting her to listen to either one of them was a futile undertaking. The Pamuk incident had just about derailed Cora. The back and forth thing with Matthew through the years had worn her out as well. When Mary took up with Richard Carsile they hoped at last she would settle down. While Carsile wasn't exactly what Cora or Robert had hoped for in a son-in-law, he was rich and could give Mary a comfortable. And Sybil, their baby, she fell in love with their chauffeur Branson right under their noses. It had smacked them down hard when she decided to run away with him to Dublin, marry him and live there.

Edith however had never had much attention. Her season in London had been a failure. It wasn't until she had taken up with Anthony Strallan that she had seemed to come alive. Cora remembered how happy Edith was when she was being courted by him and the prospect that he was going to ask her to marry him. But something happened and Anthony Strallan never proposed. The war came and their lives changed. Edith had changed the most. She spent most of her time alone now driving all over the county in the car.

"Edith," Cora said. "Come to my room. I will have tea sent up and we can talk as long as you like. We will be alone. I will make sure that O'Brien doesn't disturb us. Is that all right with you?"

Edith smiled and nodded to her mother. She knew that Cora would never be her ally in this endeavor but she had to know what was going on. She also needed to know that Edith was planning on leaving the Abbey and finding a new life for herself; however, she didn't know if today was the time to bring that up.

Cora sat quietly sipping her tea as Edith told her what had been going on the last four weeks. She told her mother how seeing Anthony again at Granny's had re-kindled the emotions she had felt for him four years ago. She explained about going over to his house to take him for a drive and how adamant he was in letting her know that they could never take up again like they used to. She told her of the ploy she had used to get him to spend time with her, and that cataloging the estate with his help showed her that she was good at something. She continued by telling her mother about the drive to Ripon that day and what a wonderful day it had been, and how he had invited her to go with him to the Jervis' on Saturday. She felt out of breath when she finished.

Cora put her tea cup down, looked at Edith and said kindly, "Why would you want to spend any time with someone who doesn't want to give you a future?"

Edith was shocked. Somehow she thought her mother would understand. She finally said, "because he is my friend, my only true friend, and I love him. I was falling in love with him four years ago and I still feel the same way now, only stronger. In my heart, I think he loves me too. He just has to become himself again. That is why I need to spend time with him so that he will see that we are nothing without each other. Something bad happened to him during the war and it has nothing to do with his arm. When he comes to terms with whatever it was, I want to be the one standing there with my hand out to him. Is that so bad?" she finished with sobs coming with each breath.

Cora had never seen Edith this way before. She had never seen her distress. She had never asked her what had happened at the garden party so many years ago. She had never noticed how introverted she had become. Rising from her chair she went over to Edith, put her arms around her and asked, "What can I do to help you?"

"Explain to pa'pa about Anthony. Going with me to the farms isn't about finding out information for himself about our estate. He is rich enough on his own. I don't want pa'pa to confront Anthony. If he does that, I will probably never see him again. Anthony thinks that pa'pa knows he has been going with me. Please ma'ma, please help me." Edith was talking so fast that Cora thought she might have a panic attack.

"Don't worry Edith, everything will be alright. Your father and I will not do anything to disrupt your friendship with Sir Anthony. Your father will not approve of you throwing yourself at a man who does not want to marry you, and he probably won't like it at all that another landowner is finding out information about his estate, but when Sir Anthony comes to pick you up on Saturday it will be as before, friendly and cordial. Cora knew that when she told Robert everything he would most likely explode. She felt that Edith would eventually be hurt by all this, but at twenty six she was no longer a child. She had made a huge decision, and while Cora had misgivings about this relationship working out, she would say nothing. All she could do was to be there when Edith came crashing to the ground, humiliated and broken hearted.

Cora put her arms around Edith and whispered, "I don't agree with any of this. I believe there are men out there better than Sir Anthony, but it is your life, not mine. You** are** old enough to make your own decisions.

Edith felt relieved and happier than she had been in a long time. Her day in Ripon had been wonderful, and her talk with her mother had been something she had always hoped for but never thought would happen. She felt as if a great weight had been removed from her chest. Her mother said she would explain things to her father and wouldn't hinder Edith's plan to spend time with Anthony Strallan. Whether or not Cora did as she had promised, Edith could only hope. All she had to go on was blind faith.


	9. Chapter 9

Anthony Strallan sat in his library on Thursday trying to go over estate business. He suddenly slammed his ledger shut and stared straight ahead. _Why did I tell her I couldn't help her today? You are a stupid_ _fool,_ he thought.

He knew that Edith had been doing some of the farms herself, but he played along and continued to spend Mondays and Thursdays with her; he wanted to be with her.

Saturday was still two days away and he wanted to see her now. As hard as he tried, he could not keep her out of his thoughts. There was something about her that crept deeper into his soul each time he was with her. She had accepted his stupid declaration and had kept her word about not expecting any kind of future from him. She always kept things light and much to his delight their time together was beginning to be just as it had been years ago. The difference was that he wasn't falling in love with her ; he was already in love with her. He had stepped over the friendship line when he asked her to go to Ripon with him. Her distress at lunch had made him want to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be alright. Instead all he did was hold her hand. It was at that moment that he knew their relationship would have t change. He would have to swallow his pride and tell her how he felt .

He had thought a lot about the war during the last few week, and he felt he was beginning to get his confidence back. The war had done a good job of taking that away. As he sat there he thought back to the day after war had been declared. He had received a telegram from his friend Hugh Gervis, who worked in the British Intelligence Division called M16. Because of Anthony's knowledge of Germany and Austria ,they wanted him to come to Whitehall immediately, and be part of the intelligence team they were forming. _Me a spy,_ he thought. His job had been to talk to the people who had escaped from behind enemy lines and find out as much information as he could about what was happening there. Intelligence gathering was new and somewhat clumsy, but he and his fellow workers had saved lives because of the things they had learned. He had been sent to France to help the division devise ways of getting informers out of harm's way. Always methodical, he planned many of the expeditions . Because of his pre- war contacts, he was able to help many escape to the safety of France and England.

But one mission that he had helped plan and map out was suddenly one man short. He was asked to go in the man's place because he knew the mission backwards and forwards. He agreed because he had been through all the intelligence and felt that the mission, while dangerous, could be completed safely.

He was wrong!

Getting into Germany and making contact with the men they were sent to get out had been easy. His three man team made contact and were heading back to their crossing place when they were ambushed by a small group of Germans. Four of them got back, but one of the young men they had been sent to rescue was killed, and Anthony had been shot. They made it to safety, but Anthony's wound was so grave he almost bled to death before they reached a field hospital. The field surgeon was able to stop the bleeding, stabilize his arm, and move him to a hospital in Normandy. There the surgeons removed the bullet, but because it was so deep , they did damage to his muscle getting it out.

His friend Hugh told him he had been in and out of consciousness for about four days, and in his delirium had kept saying one word over and over again _– Edith._

When his friend told him what had happened he blamed himself for the disaster. He played the mission over in his head many times. What could he have done differently? Was the information wrong? Why was that German patrol there when all the intelligence over the previous weeks had placed it over a mile away. But the guilt over the man who had been killed ate at him. He had been only twenty three years old with his whole life ahead of him. Anthony felt responsible, and the guilt made him question his ability to make decisions. But time heals everything and eventually he understood that in war bad things happen. You control nothing, and their mission had been successful because they did get one man out.

Once back home he wondered if Edith would want to be with him again now that he was a cripple. He knew that there were men who had been wounded more severely, and getting his arm back to where it was now had been hard and frustrating. He knew that all the things he had done was to prove to him self that he was still good enough for her. Bu what about Edith? He never gave her the chance to decide if taking up with him was something she might want to do again. He had decided for both of them, and that had been wrong.

He knew from the moment she had asked him to help her with the farms, that it was her way to spend time with him; and he had agreed because she had given him a way to be with her.

Suddenly everything was clear. He loved Edith and wanted her to be his wife, lover, friend. He wanted her at Strallan Park; wanted her to be the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he saw in the morning. He knew that his life was nothing without her. He wasn't defined by his arm, and he wouldn't let it dictate his life. He knew there would be adjustments, but in his heart he knew the two of them could make them together. He knew he was in love for the last time in his life.

He was happier than he had been in a longtime. He had a purpose. Saturday evening was going to change everything. Claudia and Hugh Gervis knew how he felt about Edith, and with their help Saturday night could prove to be the changing point for their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N_: Edith, in her mind has been overlooked and under loved all her life. Her plan has been working and she and Anthony are on the verge of something good. But her family will not get out of her way. Years of frustration have been building up. The dam is about to burst._

On Friday, Edith was working in the small room that she had turned into her workspace many years ago. It was on the top floor of Downton, out of the way. _Appropriate_ she thought when she set it up _, kind of_ _like me, out of the way_. But it was here in this room that she could relax, write and draw without any interruptions. However, today was not going to be one of them. She had just finished wrapping a drawing when there was a knock on the door and Anna stepped into the room.

"Milady, she said. "Your mother and grandmother would like you to join them in the drawing room."

_Now what,_ she thought_. Can't they just leave me alone?_

Thinking that she wouldn't be very long she didn't take off her paint smock. The minute she walked into the room her grandmother made a comment about it; something about what if there had been company here. Wearing the smock would certainly have embarrassed everyone. Even though Edith was her favorite, the Dowager Countess thought that she was exserting her independence in very inappropriate ways. Edith noticed that her mother was nervous. Then she noticed that Mary was there as well and she knew before anyone said anything that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Your mother has informed us of this ridiculous plan of yours regarding Sir Anthony Strallan. I know that I invited him to tea because you were unhappy that he didn't come to the New Year's shooting party, but after seeing him, I would have thought you would have better sense than to want to spend the rest of your life nursing a crippled old man. What you see in him now, I cannot imagine," her grandmother said in her most condescending voice.

Edith walked toward the piano with her hands clenched into fists inside the pockets of her smock. She leaned against it for support and closed her eyes. Her mother had broken her confidence.

"When I told your father what you have been doing he was very upset. He made it very clear that you are not to continue these outings with Sir Anthony. Also, you are not to take the car and go over to his house anymore for whatever reason," Cora said in a voice tinged with embarrassment. "Since you have been invited to go to Lord and Lady Gervis' house on Saturday, will not embarrass you or Sir Anthony by not letting you go, but that will be the last time you are to see him. Do you understand?" Then she said as an afterthought, "You realize Edith that you are financially dependent on your father. I would not press him regarding this matter!"

"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is when people talk about seeing the two of you together and say what a nice couple you make. Someone in the village mentioned it to me yesterday, about seeing the two of you walking arm in arm in Ripon," Mary stated smugly. "God Edith, I knew you were desperate, but really."

Edith surveyed the room looking at each of the Crawley women.

"Well, well, well, the three of you have put your heads together and decided what is best for me and for you. Now that you have stated your points, let me say a few things." She didn't recognize her own voice. The old Edith would have melted into the woodwork, probably left the room crying, retreating feeling sorry for herself. But she wasn't the old Edith now. She was different and these three women had just unleashed something that had laid dormant for years** – Fury.**

There is something that the three of you are forgetting. I am not underage, and don't need pa'pa's or your approval for anything I do. I am twenty six years old. I will go where I please and see whom I please. If I can't use the car, I will walk or ride. I can still ride can't I, or is Willow out of bounds too? I am too old to lock in my room." She stated matter of factly.

"Ma'ma, four years ago you didn't think Sir Anthony was too old for me, or Mary either if I remember right. Seventeen years didn't seem like a lot then. In fact if I think back, you encouraged me to spend time with him. Since I had no advantages to my credit, like Mary said, I guess I was lucky that he paid me any attention at all. And when I told you that I thought he was going to propose to me, you were happy. Your plain, unnoticed, middle daughter would finally be off your hands," Edith said in a voice that was low and controlled.

Cora's face turned pink. She remembered the conversation with Mary the night Sir Anthony had been invited to dinner. She had said that Mary should be kind to Edith since she didn't have as many advantages as she did, and Mary had said that Edith didn't have any advantages at all. Never did it cross Cora's mind that Edith had overheard that conversation. She looked down at her dress. She had made a terrible mistake in breaking Edith's confidence by telling Violet. This wasn't going well at all.

"Enough of this," the Dowager Countess said. "You know our position and we don't wish to talk about this anymore," she said as she started to rise from her chair.

"I am not finished yet!" Edith stated with resolve in her voice.

Cora, Mary and Violet looked at Edith as if she was possessed. No one had ever dared to talk to them like that.

"Ma'ma, about me being financially dependent on pa'pa and therefore having to toe the line and do as all of you want, I will not do it. Unlike Mary who needs your financial support until she marries, I have the ability to support myself. I have money! I have been saving my allowances for years. If you do not let me live my life as I want to, then I will leave Downton Abbey, get a job, and none of you will ever see me again!" She could hear her heart beating in her ears, but she continued.

"Anthony Strallan is one of the kindest, most decent men I know. He is so well liked, and known by almost everyone in the county. He treats me with respect and doesn't talk down to me like I am some stupid dolt. He is also one of the richest men in the county. He has holdings all over England and Scotland. He even has some holdings in Canada. Why is he so rich? Because he knows what he is doing with his land. Many of the landed gentry are going to lose everything they own because they don't know how to handle their properties, pa'pa included. Granny, you think because pa'pa is the Earl of Grantham that he will always be wealthy! Well he won't. Anthony feels that there is a depression coming, and those who didn't lose money or their estates during the war, will lose them during the coming depression. I have seen many disturbing things while I have been cataloging the farms. Anthony has opened my eyes to many things that are wrong. So ma'ma, I suggest you invite grandmother Martha to come over and bring her checkbook, because from what I have seen Downton is going to need an injection of cash, just like it did before, when you married pa'pa.

The three women looked at Edith dumbfounded. Finally Mary said, looking daggers at Edith, "My God Edith!," have you been sniffing turpentine or drinking? Pa'pa and Matthew would never let the estate flounder."

"Matthew isn't the Earl. By the time he inherits, if things don't change, there will only be the title, nothing else." Edith said.

Edith was breathing hard and there were tears in her eyes. She didn't like what she had said, but it had been building up for such a long time, it felt good to finally get it out.

Violet straightened up, looked at Edith and said in a voice that was calmer, "Just how would you support yourself? You have obviously given this a certain amount of thought."

"I would like to be an illustrator. If that doesn't work out maybe I would go to nursing school like Sybil did or get a job as a secretary like Gwen. All I know is that I won't stay here forever and be the maiden aunt of Downton, looking after you and pa'pa in your old age," she said as she looked at her mother. The next thing that came out of her mouth left all three women gaping at her.

"I would go to London and get an appointment with Richard Carsile. I am probably the only Crawley who was actually somewhat nice to him. I would ask him if he could help me get a job. Maybe I could work for one of his newspapers. I think it would be interesting. When I got to know Richard, I liked him. He was honest, not superficial like us. The class system is crumbling. Smart people like Richard are getting rich. Labor unions are on the rise and women are demanding the right to vote. The war changed everything and it certainly changed me." She said as she walked toward the door.

Suddenly Edith stopped and turned back to Cora. She had been waiting for the other shoe to drop for over six years and now she knew that she was the one who needed to drop it. After everything that had been said, she knew that it was finally time to clear the air.

"Ma'ma, Granny, I have something to tell you. I have always been surprised that Mary never told you that I am the one who wrote the letter to the Turkish Embassy about Mr. Pamuk. Daisy saw you, Mary and Anna carrying his body back to his room that night, and she told me."

Cora inhaled and put her hand to her mouth. Violet looked at Edith and said, "Why?" Why did you write the letter?"

"For a long time, things haven't been good between Mary and me. Through the years our petty differences have gotten bigger. I have always been jealous of her. There, I have said it. It seems that we could never be on neutral ground. I loved Patrick Crawley and I think he loved me. When he died, Mary didn't seem to care, in fact she seemed relieved that she didn't have to marry him. The only reason she agreed to marry him was so she could be the Countess of Grantham. When Matthew arrived, I saw how terrible and condensending she was to him. He was out of his element but was trying to fit in. When I found out that he was interested in the local churches, I took him around maybe hoping that we could get better acquainted. But he only was interested in Mary. Why would he give her plain, middle sister any consideration. When Evelyn Napier came for the hunt and brought Mr. Pamuk with him, I watched as Mary flirted with all of them at dinner and we know what happened later that night."

Edith finally sat down on a stool near the door. The silence in the room was deafining.

"But what caused you to write the letter?" Cora asked.

"When you invited Anthony Strallan to dinner, I knew why. There was a rumor about Mary and Pamuk in London and she needed to marry and in a hurry to protect her reputation. Marrying Anthony would give her a proper place in society, and the protection of a good and wealthy man who was a pillar in his community, and who came from an old established family. That evening I thought Anthony was one of the smartest and nicest people I had ever met. I watched Mary and Matthew joking and laughing at him throughout dinner and it made me angry. That is why I spoke to him. When they laughed at him after he took the bite of the salty pudding, my heart went out to him. Afterward, Mary and I had another one of our confrontations. It was just a stupid challenge, that Mary could get Anthony interested in her instead of me; and she succeeded. I watched as she spun her web like she had done so many times before with Mr. Napier, Matthew, Pamuk, now with Anthony Strallan. I thought how sad that Sir Anthony will leave this evening thinking that he made an impression on Mary, and that she might want to see him again."

By this time tears were coming out of her eyes but she continued.

"I couldn't stand the thought of a nice man like Anthony caught in Mary's web. I wrote the letter out of spite, nothing else. But I was right. He did think Mary was interested in him, and when he came to take you for a ride in his new car, my heart ached to see how you rebuked him," she said turning toward Mary. "He was a lonely, innocent man. When I asked him if he would take me for the ride instead, he only did so to be kind, I knew that. But somehow on that ride we connected. Two lonely people who found they had much in common."

Edith was calm now. All the bitterness in her voice was gone. She looked at her mother and said,

"I have a second chance to be with the man I love. What difference does it make if he has a wounded arm. He is still the same kind, thoughtful person that you knew before the war. Ma'ma, you married pa'pa, and you grew to love each other. Mary, you have finally decided after all these years that it is Matthew you want to marry. Sybil married Tom, and while you think that is terrible and disgraceful, she loves him and is happy. Why can't you leave me alone to find my happiness?"

With that Edith walked out of the room. Her legs felt weak and she grabbed the bannister for support as she went upstairs. Somehow, she didn't feel guilty about anything she had said. She went into her room and fell on her bed. The tears wouldn't stop flowing. She didn't know how long she laid there crying. It just felt good to finally let these emotions out. There would most likely be some punishment for what she had done, but somehow she didn't care. There would be no more guilt and worry. For the first time in her life, she felt at peace with herself.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you again for all the kind reviews. Writing about Edith and Anthony is my way of winding down after a hard day in the classroom. I am glad that so many of you like this. Stay with me, we are almost there._

_**A/N: Sometimes after an argument people don't know how to say they're sorry. Many times it is done through small gestures. I had to do something about Mary. While she is not my favorite character, I didn't want her to be the villain. I wanted her to have some humanity toward her sister. After all they are bound by blood. **_

It was early Saturday morning when Edith awoke. She hadn't gone down for dinner the night before, she was too exhausted. She splashed water on her face and went back up to her studio. As she was cleaning up the room, the door opened and Mary came in.

_Oh no_, thought Edith. _Not today, not again._

Mary looked at her sister and said in a voice she had never used with Edith before. It was kind, not condescending.

"Edith, I'm sorry about yesterday. Ma'ma, Granny and I should never have ganged up on you that way. After thinking about what you said, I agree that **you** need to decide your own future. I'm envious that you are fighting so hard to be with the person you love. Let's face it, I have never had to fight or work for anything. Everything has always come my way. I'm sorry for the hateful things that have gone on between us. I don't know if it's too late to make amends, but I would like to start over ; be friends and sisters. Our natures are so very different, but I would like to try.

Mary smiled, turned and walked toward the door. Turning she said, "I hope you have a lovely evening tonight. I mean it."

Edith was shocked. Never in her life had she expected to hear what Mary just said to her. She shook her head in disbelief.

The rest of the day was uneventful. She went downstairs and asked Mrs. Hughes if any of the new maids knew how to do hair. She knew how she wanted to wear it and needed some help. She also asked if a tray could be sent up. She was hungry. She hadn't had dinner or breakfast, and the hunger was giving her a headache. She didn't want to start this evening feeling lightheaded.

She hadn't seen her mother all day. _Ma'ma and Granny are probably thinking up some way to punish_ _me for my outburst and the Pamuk thing_, she thought. Well she wouldn't think about that now. There were more important things to do. She took her time in her bath, letting the hot water soak into her body. Alarge tray was waiting for her when she finished, and after putting on her dressing gown she sat and ate everything. She looked at the clock on her bedside table. It said 2:00. Anthony would be here at 4:00 and he was always on time. He had called on Thursday and asked if he could pick her up earlier than originally planned, as he had a stop he wanted to make in Ripon on the way to the Gervis'

She moved over to her dressing table and was starting to brush her hair when there was a knock on the door and her mother's maid O'Brien came in.

"Your mother asked me if I would help you get ready for your engagement tonight. She said that you would be leaving at 4:00."

Edith was speechless. O'Brien had been around for so long that Edith hardly ever noticed her. Yet here she was willing to help her get ready.

"Thank you, O' Brien, I would appreciate your help!" Edith said turning around and smiling at her.

She told O'Brien that she wanted to wear her hair up in a way similar to how he had been doing it herself. She watched as O'Brien's fingers twisted and pinned her hair up into probably the most flattering style she had ever had. Then she pulled two silver combs from her pocket.

"Your mother thought these would look nice in your hair tonight."

Edith was touched by her mother's generosity. She had seen her mother wear these combs many times. They had been a birthday gift from her father and Cora cherished them. Edith didn't know if this gesture was a way of putting behind them what had happened the day before, but she smiled and said, "Thank you! I would love to wear them."

Edith had decided to wear the dress she had purchased in Ripon along with the shoes that matched. While she had given up wearing a corset during the day, she knew that wearing one tonight would make the dress look better. O'Brien laced her up and then helped her on with her dress. Standing in front of the full length mirror, she hardly recognized herself.

"You are very pretty, you know." O'Brien said as she smoothed Edith's dress. This sapphire color looks nice on you what with your fair coloring. I hope you don't think me impertinent to say this to you?"

Edith was touched. She turned and looked at this woman who had been a part of their lives for as long as she could remember, but had always been invisible. No one had ever called her pretty before…no one. She felt tears starting to well up in her eyes, but blinked them back.

Taking O'Brien's hand in hers Edith looked at her and said a simple, "Thank you, thank you very much for everything you have done for me today." She gave O'Brien's had a squeeze and turned back to the mirror.

"I think I will wait her until 4:00. Please tell my mother thank you for the use of the combs."

She paced back and forth for about twenty minutes until the clock read 4:00. Taking one last look in the mirror she turned and put on her dark blue coat. She heard a car drive up and looked out her window to see Anthony's Rolls Royce. Putting on her gloves, she picked up her small purse and the package that she had wrapped the day before.

She left her room and had reached the first landing when she saw Carson usher Anthony into the drawing room. Panic grabbed her and she ran down the stairs, reaching the drawing room door just as Carson was closing it. Pushing her way past him she entered the room to see Anthony talking with her mother and father.

_Oh God, _she thought.

"Ah, Edith, her father said. Sir Anthony and I were just beginning to talk about the farms. I am interested in his opinion regarding certain matters."

"I'm sorry pa'pa, perhaps you and Sir Anthony could talk about this at some other time. Sir Anthony, I believe you told me Lord and Lady Gervis expected us there around 6:00." She said as she moved to his left side.

But Anthony Strallan was looking at her like he had never seen her before. In all their time together, she couldn't remember him ever looking at her like that. She thought that he hadn't heard a word she had said.

Slowly she took his arm and nudged him toward the door. But before they got that far Anthony turned back to her father saying," I would be more than happy to talk with you about the farms and ways to modernize the estate. I am leaving this week on my yearly tour of my propertie, but when I get back I will call you and we can set up a time."

As they reached the door, Edith turned, looked at her mother and said, "Don't worry about me, I am in two very good hands."

As they left, Cora went up and took Robert's arm. They moved to the window so they could see Edith and Anthony leave.

"You know I still don't approve of him, Cora. I want a whole man for my daughter."

"He shook your hand with his right one, if you remember," Cora said as she put her arm through his.

Edith told me that he has been working hard on his arm, especially his hand. He wants to be able to do most of the things he did before it was hurt." Cora said as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"He is so much older than she is, she could be left a young widow. I don't want her to throw away her life." Robert continued with concern in his voice.

"Robert, you forget how long Strallan men live. His grandfather lived to be ninety eight years old and his father was ninety four when he died. And I believe his mother was well into her eighty's when she died. I think Anthony Strallan has many good years ahead of him. I had the same concerns as you, but I think I am changing my mind." Seventeen years isn't such a gap."

"So , you think it could be serious between them like it was before?" he asked.

"Yesterday I would have said No, but now I hope so." Cora said quietly. The look that Anthony gave Edith when she came into the room had not gone unnoticed by her. She closed her eyes and smiled. Edith had been right. Anthony Strallan was still in love with her and Edith was holding out her hand to him.


	12. Chapter 12

Who is Anthony Strallan? Is he really the mild mannered, somewhat bumbling man that we have seen or is he something else. Does this conservative man who always does everything correctly harbor secret desires and longings that only his close friends see or know about? And what about Edith, has she been pushed to her breaking point where the only thing left is to step out of the shadow of Downton Abbey, and finally tell the man she loves how she feels – hoping that he feels the same way too? This is a fairly long chapter, lots of dialogue, but it ties up many loose ends.

Edith hoped that Anthony hadn't noticed how she was shaking as they left the drawing room. Reaching down and grabbing the wrapped picture, she nodded goodnight to Carson and walked out into the cool afternoon air. However, Anthony had noticed ,but before he could say anything they were in the car and she turned to him and said, "This is for you."

Anthony Strallan was speechless. Unwrapping the picture, he saw that it was a painting of Strallan Park. He was touched. The last picture of the house had been painted over 100 years earlier, and he smiled as he looked at Edith's rendering of the place. It was beautiful. She had added a few touches, such as scrubs and lawn. She had also placed greenery along the drive to the house.

"Edith, when did you do this?" This is a beautiful painting of the place. I see that you added some feminine touches," he laughed as he turned toward her and smiled. "I can't remember getting a more thoughtful present. But why? I don't think I ever told you my birth date, and Christmas has passed," he joked.

"It is my way of saying thank you for all the time you have spent with me these past few weeks. Because of you, I have accomplished more than I ever thought I could.

Handing the painting to his chauffeur Carl, Anthony settled back into the seat. He had decided to let Carl drive for two reasons; one, while he was good at driving during the day, he wasn't as sure of his ability at night, and two ,with someone else driving ,he could give all his attention to Edith.

"So, what was that all about back there?" I don't believe I have ever seen anyone move as fast as you did to get out of a room." He said seriously.

Edith turned slightly toward him . Now was the moment she had dreaded, but she couldn't put it off any longer.

"Anthony, this is probably the last time I will see you for a while. Yesterday was a terrible day. Ma'ma, Granny, Mary and I had an awful scene, and I said things that in their eyes are unforgivable. Most likely by the time you get back from your trip around your properties, I will have been sent away somewhere unless I have left of my own accord." She said looking down at her hands.

"Was it about me and the time we have been spending together," he asked with caution in his voice.

"Some of it was about you , but most of it was pent up anxiety and anger over things that have been going on for a long time."

He noticed that they had arrived on the outskirts of Ripon. Leaning forward he told Carl to drive up to the cathedral.

"It's only 4:30. We have plenty of time to get to the Gervis'. I think it would do both of us a world of good to get out and walk a while and talk." He said firmly.

Edith loved this cathedral. She had driven here many times and sat and sketched. It was a peaceful place and what better place she thought to let her feelings and emotions out.

They walked in silence. Suddenly he reached down and took her hand in his. Such a small gesture made her heart want to burst. They continued walking toward the front of the church. They could hear the choir practicing inside – probably for tomorrow's Sunday service.

They walked inside and stood inside a small alcove off the entrance. It was quiet and peaceful.

Still holding her hand, he looked at her and said, "Tell me!"

Now was the moment – she had let everything out the day before with her family, now was finally the time to bear her soul to Anthony. It might lead to embarassment for both of them, but it had to be done.

"Six years ago there was a hunting party at the Abbey. Mary had invited a gentlemen she thought she might be interested in, Evelyn Napier. Mr. Napier brought along a friend of his. His name was Kamal Pamuk and he was an attache at the Turkish Embassy. Mary flirted shamlessly with him throughout dinner, all kinds of innuendos being tossed about. Poor Mr. Napier, he didn't stand a chance. Mr. Pamuk died that night and about two weeks later I found out that Daisy our kitchen maid had seen Mary, ma'ma, and Anna, our maid, carrying him from Mary's room back to his own. I wrote a letter to the Turkish Embassy telling them what I had seen. It was done completely out of spite. Mary found out and that is why she said those horrible things to you the day of the garden party; to get back at me , ruin any chance of happiness that I might have had. I am so sorry, if I hadn't been such a coward I would have followed you out to your car or at least come over to your house the next day to try and explain that everything she said to you was a lie. But I didn't, and here we are four years later thankfully still friends." She said.

Putting his left hand against the wall and leaning in where she was standing he smiled and said, "When exactly did you write this terrible letter?"

"The night you were invited to dinner. " she said somewhat sheepishly.

"Ah, I see! Edith, I am many things but I hope stupid isn't one of them. I knew about the rumor going round in London regarding your sister. My friend Hugh Gervis told me about it. Do you understand what I am saying? The rumor was already spread before you wrote your letter. Mary was done in by Pamuk himself. He kept a diary, and when his belongings were sent to the embassy, they read it thinking that perhaps he had written about not feeling well or something that would lead them to know why he died. What he wrote about that night was scandalous. He talked about how Mary flirted shamlessly with him and how he led her out of the drawing room and kissed her. Since she didn't slap his face, he assumed that she would be a willing player in a romantic rendevous later on, brazen hussy that she was. According to Hugh, that is how he described her. He wrote how he would make his way to her room, seduce her, and leave her knowing that virtuous women don't act as she had done."

Edith stared at him in shock.

"I knew that your family was desperate to marry her off and soon, to a suitable man whose wealth and name would protect her against any scandal. I understood only too well why , all of a sudden I was invited to the Abbey for dinner. It wasn't as if I was an old friend of the family. I have to say with some embarrassment that I was drawn to her charms. At first it seemed that she wasn't interested in me at all, but suddenly after dinner she couldn't give me enough attention. We men are actually very stupid when a pretty woman flirts with us. I think our abilities to reason just disappear. I went home thinking that she might be interested in me, but alas I found out differently when I dropped by to take her for a spin in the Rolls. When you asked me to take you instead, I knew it was to help me save face, but that day was a turning point in my life. I didn't want it to end. I had never met anyone like you – pretty, smart and completely honest and open." he said while smiling. "And after the concert in York and all the other times we were together, I realized that I was falling in love with you! We understood each other and that is a rare quality. I wanted you with me. You were the ray of sunshine in a life that was full of shadows."

Edith could only stand there. He was saying all the things that were in her heart. She looked at his face and his beautiful blue eyes and smiled. But he continued.

"It wasn't Mary that tore us apart – it was the war." If I hadn't been called to London, I would have come over the next day and asked you if what Mary had said was true. I would never have left something that important unresolved. Hugh told me that when I was recovering from surgery on my arm I kept saying your name over and over. I kept tabs on you, wanting to know if you had married, what you were doing. I was offered a chance to come to Downton to recover, but I couldn't come and let you see me as I was. I felt if there was any chance of us to re- kindle the feelings that I know we both had for each other, I had to pull myself together, try to come to grips with events that took place during the war and do something about this damn arm."

He leaned closer to her and continued, "When I saw you at your grandmother's that day I thought my heart would stop. You were , you are , so beautiful to me. I wanted to put my arms around you and tell you all the things I felt – that the previous four years at that moment felt like one day. And when you came to my house, well the only thing I can say is that it confused me – I don't know why. All I know that before I knew it I was making that stupid declaration. The minute I said it ,I was sorry, but you, you thank God ,wouldn't be deterred. By asking me to help you, you gave me a way out to spend time with you – take up with you again only differently."

He scooped his left arm behind her and pulled her close. Their faces were inches apart when he said, You are everything to me. I am nothing without you – you have given me back my life but it is empty without you in it. I love you I need you, I want you, – Marry me!" and with that he leaned in and kissed her.

His kiss was nothing like she had read about in novels. It certainly wasn't like the one John Drake had given her. This kiss was breathing life into her. His lips were soft and firm against hers. As she raised her arms up around his neck he groaned and the kiss deepened. His tongue eagerly sought her mouth and leaning in to him she opened her own to him. His left arm was strong, and he pulled her even closer, kissing her until she thought she would faint. Never in all her life did she think kissing a man could make her feel as she did – like a shock wave running through her body. He moved from her lips to her neck, her ear, her hairline, before easing back and smiling at her.

She eyes were filling with tears of happiness as she moved one hand to the side of his face and the other to his shoulder. Looking at him she said through her tears, "I prayed to God every night to please not let anything happen to you, to bring you back safely. When I saw you at Granny's, I thought my heart would burst with happiness. You had come back. Your beautiful blue eyes could still see and your face wasn't burned or pieces of it shot off. You still had two arms and hands, and even if one was hurt, you still had them. You still had two legs and two feet. I wanted to put my arms around you and silently thank God for his mercy in bringing you home – to me. I don't care about your arm. Your arm isn't you. "As she moved to put her hand over his heart, she continued. " I love the man who is in here, as she patted his vest. I love you so. I could never love anyone else as much as I love you.

As he pulled her tighter she rested her head against his chest. She didn't see him close his eyes in silent prayer as he rested his chin against the top of her head.

"So," he said still holding her tight, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes, but please make it soon, very soon. I heard you say you were leaving on your yearly visits. Please don't leave me here without you. I couldn't bear it now, not now. Not after. . . . . . .this."

She reached up and pulled his head down so she could kiss him. It was as intense as before. All of their longing for each other was pulling them together.

He pulled back and studied her face as he said, "How important is a big wedding to you?

"It isn't important at all. Once I might have thought it was, but not now!", she answered somewhat confused.

"Are you brave enough to take my hand and throw convention and caution to the wind; brave gossip and inuendos about us, even displeasure from your family?"

"If I am with you, I know I can face anything."

"Edith, I am an honorable man. I carry an old name, older even than your fathers. I am not a wolf sneaking into the hen house. Everything I do is planned and thought out. So with that said, marry me tomorrow. Marry me tomorrow afternoon at Strallan Park church. I want you with me when I leave here on Tuesday."

"But how can we get married without a marriage license?"

He smiled then, and suddenly she knew he had figured this out – long before today.

"How?" she asked.

"You know when we came to Ripon on Monday and I told you I had an appointment. Well I did, two of them. One with Dr. Nelson who is helping me rehabilitate my arm, and the other with the register clerk. I got a marriage license. It is good for thirty days, he said as he pulled it from his coat pocket.

"You knew I was in love with you" she asked . "You knew I would say yes?"

I hoped with all my heart that you would say yes.– that this huge gamble would pay off. I just had to wait for the right time and place. I still loved you and I hoped you still loved me. I didn't think you would spend so much time with me if you didn't. So, are you going to say yes?" he asked as he cocked his head at her.

"Yes, oh yes," I would marry you this minute, here in the cathedral if that is what you wanted." She said as she pulled him to her.

He kissed her again, but this time is was slow and easy. His right hand was at her waist, and his left hand was unbuttoning her coat. He wanted to feel her slim figure close to him as he slid his left hand around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

Edith was truly lost in the moment. She felt him unbuttoning her coat and when his hand went around her waist she thought her legs would give out with the pure pleasure of being so close to him. He whispered in her ear, "I want you so." She also heard someone cough behind her.

Anthony broke off his kissing and looked over her shoulder to see the Vicar of Ripon Cathedral standing in the doorway of the small alcove.

The vicar recognized Anthony immediately.

"Lord Strallan, pardon me, I didn't know it was you," he said as he looked at Edith.

"Mr. Harper, he said slipping his good arm through Edith's. May I have the honor of presenting Lady Edith Crawley. Lady Edith has just consented to be my wife and I'm afraid I got a little carried away in my joy." Anthony said as he and Edith started for the door.

"I quite understand, the vicar said. May I offer my congratulations to you my lord, and best wishes to you Lady Edith."

"Thank you!" Edith said_. How fitting that a man of God should be the first to know about us,_ she thought.

"Come darling, I'm sure the vicar wants to close up." Anthony said as he and Edith walked out of the cathedral. "Thank you very much for your good wishes."

They said nothing as they walked down the path toward the car. The sun was setting and casting a pinkish glow over the grounds.

Suddenly Edith started to laugh. Anthony looked at her and smiled. He was happier than he had ever been in his life. . . . .his whole life. It was going to be a wonderful evening. Tomorrow was going to be a wonderful day, not without some angst he knew, but a wonderful day. This time tomorrow, she would be his wife, his love, his everything. This had been a very good day and he was a very happy man.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So, What will this evening hold? Will more secrets be revealed and passions released? Anthony Strallan has become the man I knew he could be. Is Edith woman enough for him?

Edith remembered the Gervis' house only too well from the dinner she had there after the concert in York. It was a beautiful place with a large garden and shrub area that separated the driveway from the front of the house. She thought that Strallan Park could use something like that; a beautiful entrance to the home that she now would be so eagerly sharing with Anthony Strallan. As she sat there holding his hand and resting her head against his shoulder, she silently thanked God for the blessings that had suddenly been bestowed on her. Anthony had finally realized how good they could be together and he didn't seem to worry so much now about their age difference. _Age is just a number_ _anyway_, she thought. _And, I will_ _keep telling him so until he gives in and believes me._

As the car slowly made its way around the driveway, Anthony leaned down and kissed her again. It was long and slow as before, his tongue seeking her mouth. Putting her hand against his face she melted into him but suddenly pulled away and pointed toward Carl.

"Don't worry about Carl!" he whispered. "He is hard of hearing and never takes his eyes off the road."

The car stopped and Anthony and Edith got out to the receiving smiles of Lord Hugh and Lady Claudia Gervis.

"My God, Anthony! Lady Gervis said. "Hugh and I thought something had happened to the two of you. "You always get here early. Come along, almost everyone is here. Lady Edith, I am so very happy to see you again," Claudia Gervis said as she took Edith's arm and led her into the house.

Anthony and Lord Gervis followed and Hugh Gervis looked at his old friend and said, "Well, did you do it?"

"Yes, I did. She said yes and we will be married tomorrow at 4:00 in Strallan Church. But please, don't make any announcement. I don't want anything to leak out and spoil our happiness."

Edith had never been in such interesting company. There was a book publisher, an MP, a barrister, some land owners, and a mill owner. The conversation at dinner was lively and everyone was talking to the person on each side of them as well as across the table, something that would never have been done at Downton. People actually asked her opinion and after getting over her initial shyness, she stated her feelings; no one challenged her or made her feel inadequate. She couldn't remember when she had had such a wonderful dinner. One of the gentlemen turned to Anthony and said laughingly, "Strallan, where did you get this charming, lovely young woman. Pretty as well as smart. Better watch out, a deadly combination."

After dinner as the women headed toward the drawing room, Lady Gervis turned back to her husband and told him that the men had one half an hour before they were to join the ladies. She took Edith's arm and said, "I have to give him a deadline or else they would sit in there and rule the world all night. Besides, we will start the music when they come through."

She told the other ladies that she would like to talk to Edith for a few minutes, explaining that there were cards for bridge, or magazines

"Come, Lady Edith follow me."

Edith was led into one of the lovliest rooms she had ever seen. It was small and cozy and she could imagine snuggling up here on a cold rainy day reading. A deep Oriental rug was on the floor and two very nice chairs faced each other across a small fireplace.

"Please be seated," she said kindly. "Unfotunately we don't have a lot of time to talk. I am so happy for the both of you. Ever since we met you years ago, we felt that you were the person who could make Anthony happy. You know he hasn't had a very happy life!"

"You mean since his wife died." Edith said.

"No, for a long time before that. Anthony and I grew up together. It was always assumed that the two of us would marry. There was never any formal announcement, but it was an unstated understanding. Hugh went to Cambridge with Anthony and he came home with him on one holiday. When Anthony introduced us I knew right away that Hugh Gervis was the man I was going to marry. I felt it deep inside. I knew that it took Anthony by surprise, but gracious man that he is he was best man at our wedding. Shortly after that he met Maud. She was the daughter of a wealthy landowner, not as wealthy as Anthony's family, but she charmed him at the season that spring. They married the following winter. She never accepted us. I think that she wanted Anthony to sever all connections with the people he knew before he married her. Of course he didn't, but she always felt uncomfortable around any of his friends. She was funny and well read and on the surface they looked like a happy couple."

Edith was surprised that Lady Gervis, a woman she hardly knew would tell her such intimate things about the man she loved and his previous marriage.

Claudia Gervis continued. "I don't know how to put this delicately. Anthony is what one would call a lusty man. He is a man of the land. He is a gentleman but he likes the physical side of marriage. Maud grew up with a mother who hated her father and therefore was led to believe that marital relations were something that had to be endured instead of something that could be enjoyed by both husband and wife. Anthony knew nothing of this when they married. As he later told Hugh, his wedding night and subsequent ones were torture for him and for her. She didn't want him to kiss or touch her, and she never touched him. They never undressed each other. He told Hugh that she laid there still as death waiting for the ordeal to end. Needless to say, their marriage became one of convenience. She did her wifely duty about twice a year."

Edith was blushing. Her mother had never talked to her or her sisters this way – about men and what they expected from marriage. She felt wicked for wanting to hear more.

"Maud took good care of Anthony. Not physically of course, but she fussed over him and kept his house in perfect order. Their life became routine and I imagine comfortable – or as comfortable as it can be considering you had a wife who doesn't want you to touch her. I know he was genuinely sad when she died; after all she had been his companion." But when he met you, his whole demeanor changed. He smiled more, walked with a spring in his step, talked about you all the time to Hugh and me. The reason I am telling you is that we want Anthony to have a happy marriage this time with a woman who loves and wants him. Are you that woman?" Lady Gervis asked.

Without hesitating Edith said "Yes, yes I am! I love him very much. I have for a long time. I am not afraid of marriage and what it means. I know in my heart that he will make me happy and I hope I will do the same for him.

"Good, that's all I wanted to know," Lady Gervis said. "We love Tony very much. We want to love you too."

_Tony, was this his nickname around the Gervis' and others. I like it,_ she thought smiling to herself.

The men were coming into the drawing room as she and Lady Gervis returned. Anthony immediately came over to her, took her hand and headed for the sofa. Then the fun started. All of the people present had to either play a musical instrument, recite something, sing, dance, or entertain the others. She was surprised when at least half of them went and brought out their instruments.

"I told you", Anthony said as he squeezed her hand.

As they went around the room, she suddenly realized that she would have to do something. No one was sparred. Anthony, she found out played the guitar, but because of his arm, he was let off the hook but not without some good natured ribbing. Instead, he recited something from Byron, looking at her all the time.

"Well done Tony, kind of droll though." Everyone laughed and then Hugh Gervis turned to her.

"O.K. Lady Edith, your turn. Just because this is your first time, can't beg off. Come on old girl, what are you going to do to entertain us?"

Edith didn't know what to do. The only instrument she played was the piano. But looking over at Anthony's smiling face she suddenly knew what it was she would do. Walking over to the piano she turned looked at Anthony and said. "Let us give thanks for the ones we love who have come home to us from this terrible war." With that she sat down at the piano and began to sing _How Great Thou Art_. Her clear soprano voice filled the room. On the second round, Lady Gervis came up, sat down on the bench next to her and joined in. By the third round everyone was on their feet singing. Anthony walked across the room and reached her just as the final chord was struck. She could tell by the look in his eyes how proud he was of her. Much to her amazement, everyone burst into applause.

"Good for you, Lady Edith – good for you," Hugh Gervis said as he put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. "Well done!"

Everyone came up and told her how wonderful her singing was and how touching the song was to them. It had been a wonderful evening. Edith didn't want it to end. Anthony kept his arm around her waist most of the evening and she welcomed it – she just wished they could have kissed more.

He led her out onto the patio which was off the drawing room. It was cold and snowflakes were starting to come down. He pulled her over against the house and kissed her again soundly – like he had done in the cathedral.

"Come on you two," Lady Gervis called from the doorway. "Everyone is starting to leave."

When they returned to the drawing room Claudia Gervis said. "Tony, you and Edith can't drive home in this weather. Carl is too old to drive on slick roads and you know it. You will have to stay over and go home in the morning when it is warmer and he can see the road."

She saw the look on Edith's face when she turned to her and said, "Don't worry, Lady Edith. I will call and talk to your mother. When I tell her that others are staying because the roads are slick, she will understand, I assure you."

As she and Anthony sat on the sofa waiting, Lady Gervis went and called the Abbey. When she returned she said, "Your mother was most gracious. She understood completely about the roads. Really Tony, you need to retire Carl and get a younger man who can handle that car of yours." She said as she shot Anthony a wink.

"Now, Lady Edith if you will follow me, I will get you settled for the night. Tony, you know where your room is. We will see you all in the morning as she ushered Edith out of the drawing room.

The room Edith was given was beautiful. It had a large window that looked out over the park. Before she knew it Lady Gervis was returning with the loveliest nightgown and robe that she had ever seen. The gown was a light blue silk, with long sleeves but cut very low in the front. Edith felt that if she leaned over, her breasts would fall out. The robe was a floral satin that tied at the waist. She had never seen anything this lovely in the village or Ripon. It must have come from France. Everything aboutLlady Gervis spoke of France from her hair, clothing, furnishings, even her perfume. Edith found her to be the most gracious of women, and somehow she knew she had a new friend.

A young maid named Helen had started the fire and the room was beginning to warm up. She helped Edith out of her clothes and told her that all she had to do was ring in the morning and she would come and help Edith get dressed for the drive home.

The evening had been so busy that Edith found she wasn't tired. She walked around the room and went into the washroom that was connected to it. She had never seen such a large tub, not to mention all the toiletries that were on the counter next to the washbasin. She put a little of some wonderful smelling perfume behind her ears. She would have to write down the name of it before she went home. Walking back to the bedroom she sat on the bed. The mattress was wonderful, nothing like the one she had at the Abbey.

She wondered where Anthony was. With everyone around she didn't even get to kiss him goodnight. She continued walking around the room looking for a book or magazine to read. She felt funny, a kind or restlessness she couldn't explain. There was a light knock at the door. Thinking that it was Helen, Edith opened it to find Anthony standing in the doorway, also in his nightclothes.

He said nothing to her but stepped into the room closing the door behind him. She had never seen him or any man like this before. He was barefoot. He had pajama trousers on, but not a pajama shirt. His robe was tied at his waist but she noticed he had fine reddish blond hair covering his chest. He gently pulled her to him and kissed her deeply like he had done earlier in the evening. Oh, how she liked being kissed by him. He was so good at it. Every nerve was sending pulses throughout her body. There was nothing between them but thin material and Edith thought she was going to faint from the sheer sensation of him. He smelled so gook, like soap and pine. When he started to pull back, she put her arms around his neck and said simply, "Please don't stop – don't ever stop!"

"Oh Edith, he said as he continued to kiss her hairline, her cheek, her ears. So much has happened today. If we are going to be married tomorrow, I need to talk to you about a few things. If I were courting you, we would have time to be alone together, but I am afraid that tonight is about as alone as we will be until tomorrow. I want you to know some things about me so that you won't be frightened when we are alone like this tomorrow night.

"All right," she said. He took her hand and led her to the large sofa that faced the fireplace. The fire was starting to die down and the embers cast a reddish glow over the room. He sat down and then pulled her down onto his lap. She wasn't sitting on his lap exactly, more like on the sofa with her legs across his lap and her back against the arm of the sofa. He had removed his sling and his right hand was resting at her waist while his left one was caressing her face and neck. She laid her head against his shoulder and put her right hand across his chest letting it rest on his left shoulder.

The sensation of touching the hair on his chest gave her a funny feeling. She wanted to put her hand on it but was somewhat shy about being so bold. She snuggled closer to him and let out a contented sigh.

"I don't wear a pajama shirt because of my arm, but also because I get very warm when I sleep. I have been sleeping without anything on for a long time. I enjoy sleeping in the nude, I like the feel of the sheets against my skin. I want you to know this in case you wake up and I have nothing on."

She leaned up and kissed him next to his ear as she said, "Maybe I would sleep that way all night too."

He drew back, and looked at her with longing in his eyes. Pulling her to him he suddenly realized he had made a huge mistake coming to her like this. Just the sight of her aroused him and he couldn't help himself when he moved her gown off her shoulders caressing her back and the upper part of her breast. He moved his hand down over the thin material and knew the minute he touched her firm nipples that she was aroused too. He untied her robe and slipped it off her shoulders. She did the same, but slowly moved her hands up over his chest pushing it off his shoulders. In the firelight she saw the scar on his arm from the bullet and where the surgeons had tried to repair the damage. She couldn't help herself, she kissed his chest until she reached his shoulder and then gently kissed his wound.

He groaned and pulled her face to his. In doing so her gown slipped down exposing her breasts. They were rubbing against his chest, his hand was at the back of her neck pulling her closer while her hands were snaking through his hair. Never in his life had he loved a woman like he loved her. He couldn't touch her enough.

Suddenly he stopped kissing her and said with a ragged breath, "Darling, we have to stop. This is my fault, I only mean't to kiss you goodnight. "

Her breathing was heavy and her heart was beating rapidly. He knew she was as aroused as he was.

"No! she said against his ear. Please don't stop. Don't leave me feeling like this. If you leave, I don't know what to do."

"Darling, I want to make love to you when you are my wife – good and proper."

"Oh Anthony, make me your wife now. I want to be your wife – I need to be your wife. We are married in our hearts. You know that. Tomorrow, we get the piece of paper that says so. And tomorrow no one can stop us – will stop us."

He gently lifted her legs off of his and pulled her from the sofa. He walked with her to the bed and threw his dressing gown down on the sheets. He untied his pajama trousers and they dropped to the floor. He gently removed her gown letting it drop as well. He pulled her to him then, their bodies hot and sweaty.

She could feel him against her and the sensation made her legs go weak. _Is this what a woman can do to a man _she thought. For the first time in her life, she felt she had control over something – and she liked what she could do to him.

He eased her onto the bed, onto his dressing gown. When she bled, he wanted it to be on something other than the bed sheets. He didn't want anyone to see the evidence of their lovemaking. He could take his dressing gown home with him tomorrow and on one would know.

He laid on her left side and slowly stroked her body with his good hand. God she was beautiful, and she wanted him. He would probably never know why, but from this moment on he was done trying to figure it out. He kissed her breasts while his hand found its way between her legs. She was warm and wet. She was ready for him and he was more than ready for her.

"Darling, he said. Making love is a wonderful thing when it is done right. When we begin there is going to be some pain. I have to pierce your maidenhead in order for you and I to get the release we both need. I will go slow and make this as easy as possible."

Her eyes were closed and she hands were kneading his hips. He took her hand guided it to him and whispered for her to help ease him into her. When he entered her hips raised off the bed.

"Relax, darling, I am not going to hurt you. As she lowered her hips back onto the bed, he started the slow movement within her. He eased in and then out. Slowly again and again. Looking at her he gaged when she was ready. Her hands were on his hips and legs and her fingers were squeezing his skin. Her breathing was fast.

Leaning forward he captured her mouth as he thrust forward feeling the skin inside her give way. She gave a little cry as her body arched and he felt the spasims within her as her body gave way to ultimate pleasure. Two more thrusts and he emptied his seed into her while pulling her to him.

He didn't want to lose contact with her but when he started to roll off her she said, "No! please stay just like this."

He laid his head on her shoulder. Their bodies were stuck together. He finally rolled off her but she followed him and ended half on top of him. Her leg thrown over his. It was the most sensual thing he could imagine.

"Did I hurt you love?" he asked.

"No!, it was just as you promised – only better. It was never like this in the novels I read.

"He laughed as he kissed her forehead. Sweetheart, you have to remember that all those novels were written by single young ladies who only imagined what love could be like.

She sighed as she inched closer to him. "I am very tired suddenly" she said. Can we go to sleep?"

"Yes darling, I think that it is now time to sleep. Let me get your gown."

"No, I want to sleep just like this. I am too tired to move."

He reached down and pulled the blanket over them. He smiled to himself. He had made love like he was thirty – and he relished it.

Looking down at her falling to sleep against him he thought how much joy she had brought to him. From the beginning, before the war, she had been the one he wanted. Through everything she had persevered. Tomorrow she would be legally his, Lady Strallan. His heart was so full of joy he thought it would burst.

Edith snuggled against Anthony. God how she loved him. She was at peace when she was with him. He had given her nothing but comfort all these years, making her always feel good about herself and who she was. Tomorrow she would belong to him legally, she would be Lady Strallan. She smiled as she felt herself drift off to sleep thinking, _What would tomorrow night be like?_


	14. Chapter 14

AN_: After seeing Season 3, Episode 3, I jumped up and yelled "What." I was upset for a few days and wondered if I could finish this story. However, these two have fascinated me since Season One. I have enough stories in my head to ship these two through at least two centuries. Hopefully, all of the rest of the Anthony/Edith writers will do the same. So here is the last chapter. Two people who found each other again in spite of everything, everybody, and even themselves. They have walked through fire and have come out as one._

_Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. Hopefully you will like my next Edith/Anthony story. Sorry, I just can't let them go._

As the room was getting light, Anthony kissed Edith and silently slipped back to his own room. Loving her as he did, he didn't want anyone to know they had spent the night together even though he knew Claudia Gervis had planned it that way. Once back he rang for the valet and started getting dressed. Today was going to change his life forever – and he smiled as he knew in a good way. He had been letting the age difference between Edith and him prey on his mind, but last night convinced him that he could love her as she should be loved_. You think too much_, he chided himself. _You love each other. Let it_ _be_.

Edith woke to find Anthony gone. At first she panicked, but then settled back down in the warm bed and let the flood of emotions wash over her. She had made love to the man she had wanted and loved for over four years. It was the most wonderful night she had ever had and she had slept so soundly. Suddenly she jumped out of the bed, turned around and looked at the sheets. There wasn't any trace of their lovemaking on them. That is why he had put his dressing gown over the sheets; he didn't want anyone talking behind their back – didn't want any evidence that they had spent the night together.

Oh, how she loved him.

Helen came in, drew her a bath, helped her get dressed and did her hair. Looking in the mirror she knew she looked different, but hoped no one else would put things together.

She walked out into the hall to see Anthony sitting in a chair reading a paper. He got up, looked around to see if anyone was there, then pulled her into his arms and kissed her like he had done the night before.

He took her breath away.

"Good morning, darling" he said as he winked at her, took her arm and led her downstairs to the dining room where they had a light breakfast before heading home.

Before getting into the car Claudia Gervis gave him a hug and said, "We will see you later today."

Edith heard Anthony say, "Thank you, thank you for everything!"

The drive home was uneventful, although Edith clung to Anthony's left arm like a drowning man would cling to a life preserver.

He reassured her that everything would be alright. They would be married that afternoon, have a small dinner buffet at _their _home and prepare for their wedding trip on Tuesday. He smiled and pulled her close. "Don't worry so much darling, there is nothing your father can do. And besides if he continues to object, I will just have to tell him that you have to marry me." He joked as he kissed her soundly,

"You wouldn't, oh Anthony tell me you wouldn't say anything about last night" she said as she jerked forward and turned to face him.

"Darling, of course not. What happened last night was between us and us only. Besides your parents would never let me in Downton again if they thought for an instance that I had de-flowered you."

"De-flowered me," she laughed quietly so Carl the chauffeur wouldn't hear. "What kind of an old fashioned word is that?"

"One that old fashioned, old men like me use," he smiled as he again pulled her close.

"Don't call yourself old around me. I like mature much better."

She suddenly noticed that they had pulled into the long drive that led up to the Abbey. She gripped his hand tighter as Carl pulled to a stop and Anthony and Edith got out.

"Good morning Carson, beautiful day isn't it?" Anthony said as he and Edith breezed past, heading first for the dining room and then the drawing room.

Robert, Cora and Mary were just finishing breakfast when Anthony and Edith came through the dining room door.

"Good morning, you two," Cora said. "Did you have a nice evening at the Gervis'? Have you had breakfast?"

"Yes, we have, Anthony answered. Ate early and left early. I wanted to be sure to get Edith home in plenty of time."  
"Time for what?" Mary asked. She recognized the flushed look on Edith's face only too well. It was the look of a woman in love – and one who had been loved with kissing, petting, and . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Lord Granthan," Anthony started. "Last night I asked Lady Edith to marry me and she accepted. Needless to say she has made me the happiest of men. I know that this is sudden, but she has agreed to marry me this afternoon in Strallan church. I leave on Tuesday, and I want her to come with me. We have waited far too long to be together." He finished as he looked at Mary.

Robert and Cora just looked at Anthony and then Edith. But before either of them could say anything, Edith said gently, "I know all your objections to us getting married. I have heard them for over four years. But what the two of you don't understand or won't understand is that I love Anthony. My life is nothing without him; and it never will be. If you try to stop us, I will leave with him now and be with him until we can find a magistrate. Sybil left to be with the man she loves, and I swear I will too."

Robert slowly stood and said, "Strallan, you know our objections were never about you personally. We just wanted Edith to have a full happy _married_ life. He emphasized married. I won't stand here and lie to you about your age difference not being important. It was to us before the war and it still is. We want Edith to be happy with a family of her own. And also your . . . . . . ," he gestured towards Anthony right arm.

"Lord Grantham", Anthony said, " I was only wounded in my arm, and while I will never have full use of it, I can raise it up to my waist. Also, my fingers are beginning to work again. I don't need a nurse or anyone to look after me. I can do that myself. I can cut up my own food and do other everyday things that most people take for granted. It is only my arm that gives me difficulties. The rest of me works just fine."

"Good God man, there are women present." Robert said in a shocking voice.

Mary put her hand over her mouth stifling a laugh as she looked at her sister. One thing was now for sure about Sir Anthony Strallan. He certainly wasn't as dull as paint.

Cora slowly rose to her feet and said. "You obviously have been thinking about this for a long time. I agree, you two have waited far too long. Maybe the one thing we never noticed is that Edith, you are an old soul. I don't think a younger man would ever appeal to you. Life is too short to live it in misery. But I want to see you married in a church instead of in front of a magistrate. I don't know about your father, but I will be there this afternoon" she said as she shot Robert a withering glance.

With that she went to Edith and pulled her close. Whispering in her ear she said, "Edith, I am so sorry about what happened of Friday. Please forgive me. I love you very much."

"Oh, Ma'ma, everything is the way it is supposed to be. Of course I forgive you, I love you."

Anthony smiled and taking Edith's arm he said, "I will be back here at 3:30 to pick Edith up. Everything has been in motion for about a week with the hope that Edith would say yes. There will be a dinner buffet at the Park after the ceremony. We want as many people there who want to come."

"This is a big day for us – a very big day. The happiest in my life." He finished.

Edith walked with him to the front door. Before he had a chance to turn to her, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly.

"Kiss me like this at the altar. Let's give them all something to talk about – especially Granny, if she comes." She laughed.

He stood there utterly mesmerized by this woman he loved . He would have been so lost and lonely if she hadn't come to his house that day, told him she wouldn't give up on him, and then made it possible for him to save face and spend time with her. This was one clever woman. He would have to be on his toes from now on. He had met his match.

She followed him out to the car and kissed him again.

Walking back into the Abbey, she saw Mary standing at the foot of the stairs.

"You better be careful, you lips might get chapped." She laughed.

Edith just looked at her and smiled. Obviously Mary had meant the things she had said to her the day before, and deep inside, Edith was glad.

"What are you going to wear, Mary asked.

"I don't know. I didn't think about it. I have a new ivory suit that I had made around Christmas, but it is rather severe for a wedding dress. Frankly Mary, I love him so, I would marry him in a burlap sack."

"Come with me," Mary said. "I think I have just the thing."

Going into Mary's room she opened her armoire and pulled out a beautiful dress that Edith had never seen before. It was white with a light blue underskirt. It had lovely long sleeves and a neckline that came just to the collarbone. The neckline was edged with small seed pearls, and because the dress was silk, it shimmered when the light hit it.

"Oh, Mary, this is beautiful, when did you get it?" Edith asked as she caressed the fabric.

"I got it in London the last time I was there. I got it to take on my honeymoon, but somehow I think it would make a better wedding dress."

"Really! You would give it to me to wear today?" Edith asked. "Why would you do that after everything our lives have been?"

"Edith, the war made all of us all grow up¸ even me. Matthew has made me see that at the end of the day we are sister, and all we have. When Granny, Ma'ma and Pa'pa are gone, it will only be the three of us. It has taken me a long time to realize that. Marriage can have its rough spots and frankly I would like to know that I have my sisters to talk to." Mary said matter of factly.

"So, what do you think will it do? You are smaller than me, but Anna could probably take it in and have it done by this afternoon."

"Oh yes, Mary, thank you! Thank you so very much," Edith said as she hugged her sister for the first time in many years.

"You will be back in time for my wedding, won't you? I don't know if Sybil will be coming and I would like one of my sisters to be there." Mary asked .

"Yes, I don't know exactly where we will be, but I know Anthony will bring me back – and not the day before. We will be back in plenty of time. I wouldn't do anything to spoil your day considering what you are doing for me."

Anna worked on the dress and the rest of the family, including Robert as well as the downstairs staff got ready for the big event.

When Edith finally put on the dress, it fit as if it had been made especially for her.

As Cora came in, she gave a gasp and put her hands over her mouth. Edith was standing in the light from the window and the scene was breathtaking. She shook her head, her daughter was beautiful. But she knew that love did that to people.

"Sir Anthony has just arrived, she said. He is pacing downstairs with your father. Robert told him that we would bring you to the church, but he said he was going to take you. So, I want you to put this coat on over your dress so at least he won't see that until the last minute. "

O'Brien had reworked a small white hat that Edith had worn earlier in the year. By putting some new netting on it became the perfect complement to her dress.

As she walked down the stairs and across the entry, Anthony and her father just stood there and stared.

Whatever they were expecting, they got more than they had bargained for. Robert looked at his middle daughter. She was beautiful. She didn't look like Cora or him. She looked like her paternal great grandmother, whose picture hung in the gallery upstairs. He had never noticed the resemblance before, but now as she walked toward him with her dress and red hair shimmering in the light, he suddenly remembered the grandmother he had loved so much as a little boy, Vivian. Tears sprang to his eyes.

"Thank you for coming pa'pa." she said as she took Anthony's hand and walked out to the car.

"Robert darling, what is the matter, Cora said looking at the tears in his eyes.

"I'll show you later when we get home", he said as he took her arm and walked to their car where Mary and Matthew awaited them.

The ceremony was perfect. Robert walked his daughter down the aisle of Strallan Church. It was much smaller that Grantham, but somehow appropriate for this special ceremony. Robert and Cora held their breath as Anthony placed the ring on Edith's finger, but because the fingers on his right hand worked, he had no trouble. The ring was a perfect circle of diamonds. As the ceremony finished and before he kissed his wife, Anthony leaned down to her and whispered, "I will never give up on you – and you will never give up on me" and then gently pulled her to him and kissed Edith Strallan for the first time.

After everyone left their wedding dinner, even her grandmother, Edith and Anthony walked upstairs to their bedroom. She told him that she wanted this night to be as the previous one had been, beautiful and erotic. As she waited for him in their bedroom, she thought about what he had said to her in the church. She smiled as she thought about those words_, I will never give up on you, you will never give up on me._ She would have to tell him later that she thought it should be their family motto.

She was standing in the middle of the room looking down at her beautiful wedding ring when she heard the door open. He looked just as he had looked the night before; tall, handsome, and _ finally_ all hers. As she walked toward him she untied her dressing gown and let it drop to the floor. Untying his dressing gown she pressed her naked body against his as she moved her arms up his chest and around his neck and said in a voice filled with love and desire,

"What took you so long?"


End file.
